NORWALK (AP) - At the Erie League office, speculation is high on the next move by league commissioner Kirk Pavelich (pictured right) regarding the escalating tensions between fellow league owners. It seems recent developments of the "tongue and cheek" smack talk is starting to personally piss owners off.

"It's all fun and games until someone thinks a fellow owner is personally questioning their manhood," Pavelich stated at league headquarters today.   "I mean, I think the smack talk is a lot of fun but sometimes I feel like I am orchestrating and enabling a tabloid -- not a football league. I have donut eating cops, people licking each other's onion sack, a wannabe Rosie O'Donnell, old farts fighting with their colostomy bags, physic majors who are redneckphobes, and an owner who claims a shirt makes him see more ass than a toilet seat!!! Sometimes I just wish I knew it was all going to stop. Then we have threats of physical violence at the end of year banquet - it leaves me no choice but to put my foot down. I think a cooling off period would be good to sort of let people step back and realize that this is supposed to be fun and enjoyable and not to worry that you are going to get bum rushed and beat down in a parking lot, because you called someone a butt pirate. 

"But I have to be careful of what terminology I use, because if I issue a gag order I am sure someone within the league will confuse the real meaning with their own interpretation and tell another league owner they have the commissioner's green light to go GAG on somebody's skin flute."

Everybody in the league has thrown out a barb or two and in some instances nine or more, but the message that I think the commissioner wants to relay is that everybody needs to chill out and relax, this is for enjoyment and for it to get personal and vindictive is ridiculous.

Dayton Penatrators GM and owner Dave Collins (pictured left) who was on his way into the commissioners office on surfacing a rumor about TEAM BUD OWNER Jody Barth this past weekend, took the time to add his own thoughts to the recent drama.

"I think it is funny as hell that people are getting mad," Collins said. "I mean, if you are going to get mad at this kind of stuff you are a LOSER and need to get a life. I honestly enjoy and look forward to seeing what somebody said about me and whoever else and I get no more enjoyment than seeing people getting mad at a few tongue and cheek verbal barbs. Now excuse me I have to go pay my fine for causing some embarrassing information on a fellow owner this past weekend."

Hopefully, the situation will defuse itself and people can get back to concentrating on the football that is on hand and quit worrying about "who or what" was said about whom and realize the entertainment we all got out of it at the end of the year. Hopefully the banquet will be held and the only thing that will be "thrown down" are the shots and cold beers. And of course "the Erie League smack" for the upcoming 2003 season.........

Editor's Note: Commissioner Kirk Pavelich wasn't actually interviewed for this story. All information came from the warped mind of Dayton Penatrators GM Dave Collins.