1999 Standings (Week Five)

Statistics provided by Pavelich Sports Bureau

ALL-AMERICAN       Overall              Division   
Blue               W    L    T    PCT.    W    L    T    PCT.  PF   PA
Psychedelic B's     5    0    0  1.000     3    0    0  1.000  517  351
Captain Tripps      3    2    0   .600     2    1    0   .667  360  374  
Midnight Vigilantes 2    3    0   .400     1    2    0   .333  348  407
No Limit Ballers    1    4    0   .200     0    3    0   .000  350  409    

Red                W    L    T    PCT.    W    L    T    PCT.  PF   PA
LTP                 4    1    0   .800     3    0    0  1.000  406  372
Gargoyles           3    2    0   .600     2    1    0   .667  420  335
Masons              3    2    0   .600     1    2    0   .333  404  339  
Butt Chows          1    4    0   .200     0    3    0   .000  302  360

White              W    L    T    PCT.    W    L    T    PCT.  PF   PA
Polish Monarchs     3    2    0   .600     1    2    0   .333  326  353
P.P. Brains         2    3    0   .400     2    1    0   .667  302  301  
Couch Potatoes      2    3    0   .400     2    1    0   .667  302  280
Cosmic Monsters     1    4    0   .200     1    2    0   .333  265  380

BROWNS             Overall              Division   
Brown              W    L    T    PCT.    W    L    T    PCT.  PF   PA
Atomic Punks        4    1    0   .800     2    1    0   .667  461  392
Shadow Bandits      3    2    0   .600     2    1    0   .667  378  367
King Salmons        2    3    0   .400     2    1    0   .667  385  424
Donikers-DTL        2    3    0   .400     0    3    0   .000  432  410    

Orange             W    L    T    PCT.    W    L    T    PCT.  PF   PA
Morticians          4    1    0   .800     3    0    0  1.000  410  342
Hostile Omish       4    1    0   .800     2    1    0   .667  479  351  
Mad Zippers         2    3    0   .400     1    2    0   .333  228  334
Bonecrushers        1    4    0   .200     0    3    0   .000  286  380    

White              W    L    T    PCT.    W    L    T    PCT.  PF   PA
Black Diamond       3    2    0   .600     2    1    0   .667  352  367  
Screaming Eagles    2    3    0   .400     2    1    0   .667  345  349
Fat Bottom Girls    2    3    0   .400     1    2    0   .333  381  323
Assassins           1    4    0   .200     1    2    0   .333  286  384

Week Five High Scoring Teams

Psychedelic B's (Bryan Vince) 126 Points	Atomic Punks (Keith Kuratko) 98 Points

"When I win all the money I'll buy you guys a bunch of tissues. You freaking babies."
Psychedelic B's GM Bryan Vince responding to league wide charges that Joe Nunney deserves credit for building the only undefeated team in the Erie League. Nunney had filled in on draft night when Vince was called into work.

"What the hell is Jones talking about? I have faith in my team and the picks that Dave Bell excecuted for me. He picked the players I wanted and it is a great team. If Suder's silly ass team name is any indication of his coaching ability, then the Little Tiny Piss ants deserved to be 2 - 10 last year!!!!"
Gargoyles owner Storm Thomas responding to comments made by LTP GM Don Jones. Jones had said he was sorry he made comments about the Gargoyles since Thomas had not drafted the team.

"Once again I proved that running your mouth usually gets a foot put in it. Vinny by far has the best team in this league. I got my ass whipped!!"
LTP owner Jones after watching his team drop a 126-60 decision to Bryan Vince's Psychedelic B's.

"Go ahead and give up. I see no team in either conference that can match the firepower of the Psychedelic B's. Vince will becomes the first owner to win two Erie League titles."
All-American Conference Commissioner Kirk Pavelich.

"The Morticians, what the hell was he thinking? Did he get a tube of K-Y Jelly with that trade or what, 'cause he got it right up the shitter! I thought he knew what he was doing. I thought wrong."
Atomic Punks GM Keith Kuratko commenting on the trade made by Morticians GM Dave Mortland. Mortland traded Tim Brown to the Assassins for Warrick Dunn and Adrian Murrell, despite an earlier offer from Kuratko to trade Corey Dillon and Derrick Mayes for Brown.

"Welcome to the Erie Fantasy Football League, Morticians! You win a few easy games and BAM!! You face a real team in the ATOMIC PUNKS and you got your ass handed to you! Just remember Dave, I AM THE GAME!"
Kuratko again after his convincing 98-70 victory over the previously undefeated Morticians.

"Hey Storm, if you have a history of making bad trades, then why make them at all? I guess if you like to get stiffed trying to turn tricks as a cheap whore, then why stop. Keep up the good work chump! Be glad that I'm not in that cheap-ass league, otherwise this second-rate competition would take your team, hold it up in front of you, turn it sideways and shove it up your candy-ass!"
Kuratko, now on a serious roll, responding to whining by Storm Thomas last week that he got screwed over in the deal for Terrell Davis.

"Hey All-American Conference, what are you guys doing over there? Are all of you just going to sit on your asses and let the B's runaway with the league or are you going to try to make some trades and transactions to make your teams better so you might have a chance at defeating the B's? The way it looks right now, everyone in that so-called "elite" conference don't have a chance of taking the league's spot in the Fantasy Bowl away from the B's. I guess you better start scouting for next year 'cause this year looks like the year of the B's, at least in the All-American Conference."
Kuratko's final comments, this time concerning the apparent lack of participation from select owners in the All-American Conference.

WEEK'S TRANSACTIONS
10/14/99

All-American Conference

Midnight Vigilantes
Stewart,Korell    Picked Up Free Agent
Gary,Olandis      Picked Up Free Agent
Case,Stoney       Waived from Midnight Vigilantes
Sheehee,Rashaan   Waived from Midnight Vigilantes

Polish Monarchs
Chicago Defense   Picked Up Free Agent
Stoyanovich,Pete  Picked Up Free Agent
Tampa Defense     Waived from Polish Monarchs
Andersen,Morten   Waived from Polish Monarchs

Cosmic Monsters
Pickens,Carl      Picked Up Free Agent
George,Jeff       Waived from Cosmic Monsters

Butt Chows
Linton,Jonathan   Picked Up Free Agent
Edwards,Robert    Waived from Butt Chows

Browns Conference

Assassins
Loville,Derek     Waived from Assassins
Brown,Kris        Waived from Assassins
Gary,Olandis      Picked Up Free Agent
Green,Ahman       Picked Up Free Agent
Wilkins,Jeff      Picked Up Free Agent
Brown,Tim         Trade From Morticians

Screaming Eagles
BROWNS,CLE        Waived from Screaming Eagles
Palmer,Chris      Waived from Screaming Eagles
Boston,David      Picked Up Free Agent

Black Diamond
Crowell,Germane   Trade From Bonecrushers

Bonecrushers
Hanspard,Byron    Waived from Bonecrushers
GIANTS,NYG        Waived from Bonecrushers
Fassel,Jim        Waived from Bonecrushers
Walls,Wesley      Picked Up Free Agent
Loville,Derek     Picked Up Free Agent
Huntley,Richard   Trade From Black Diamond

Morticians
CARDS,ARI         Waived from Morticians
Tobin,Vince       Waived from Morticians
Montgomery,Joe    Waived from Morticians
Johnson,Charles   Picked Up Free Agent
Dunn,Warrick      Trade From Assassins
Murrell,Adrian    Trade From Assassins

Donikers DTL
Calloway,Chris    Waived from Donikers DTL
Toomer,Amani      Waived from Donikers DTL
Graham,Kent       Waived from Donikers DTL
Pritchard,Mike    Picked Up Free Agent
Kitna,Jon         Picked Up Free Agent
Hasselbeck,Matt   Picked Up Free Agent
Owens,Terrell     Trade From Atomic Punks

Atomic Punks
Oxendine,Ken      Waived from Atomic Punks
Peterson,Todd     Picked Up Free Agent
Taylor,Fred       Trade From Donikers DTL

King Salmons
Davis,Terrell     Waived from King Salmons
Linton,Jonathan   Picked Up Free Agent

Shadow Bandits
Poole,Keith       Waived from Shadow Bandits
Harper, Alvin     Picked Up Free Agent

The Race for Coach of the Year

COACHING EFFICIENCY  YTD  Wk.5
All-American            Pct.  Pct. 
N.L. Ballers (Davis)     94%  94%       
Gargoyles (Thomas)       90%  96%
Masons (Thiem)           84%  84% 
LTP (Jones)              83%  72%    
Pol.Monarch (Szydlowski) 83%  70%   
Capt. Tripps(M.Rzyczycki)82%  70%
Mid.Vigilantes (Pavelich)81%  76%   
Psychedelic B's (Vince)  79%  89%   
Butt Chows (Holsclaw)    77%  100%   
Cos.Monsters(B.Rzyczycki)77%  91%
P.P. Brains (Suder)      72%  70%
Couch Potatoes (Barth)   72%  86%   

COACHING EFFICIENCY  YTD  Wk.5
All-American            Pct.  Pct. 
Atomic Punks(K.Kuratko) 90%   81% 
Fat Bottom Girls(Burns) 89%   100%
Morticians (Mortland)   88%   86%
Shadow Bandits(Labonte) 88%   82%
Donikers-DTL (Profio)   88%   94%
King Salmons (Damicone) 86%   90%
Black Diamond (Nunney)  85%   82%
Host. Omish (M.Kuratko) 84%   87%
Scream. Eagles (White)  76%   82%
Assassins (Pesicka)     76%   84%
Bonecrushers (D.Bell)   76%   91%
Mad Zippers (Sweitzer)  68%   73%