The Sports Page        

Volume 10, Issue 8 

The On-Line Newsletter of the Erie Fantasy Football League

Oct. 18, 2002
League History  

League Standings

Revamped Vigilantes explode

Pavelich's 130 point output is tops as conferences split six games

Six teams from each conference were victorious this week as the Erie League hosted interleague play for the fourth straight season. The all-time record is now 24 wins for the All-American Conference and 24 for the Browns Conference. The high scoring team was the defending champion Midnight Vigilantes, who annihilated Steve Payne's Intimidators, 130-56, to raise their record to 2-4. The high output came one week after GM Kirk Pavelich (pictured right) dealt six players and bore the brunt of league wide criticism.

"Pav's trades don't look real stupid now, do they?" said LTP owner Don Jones.

"I am expecting a little lip service directed at those friggin' idiots that ripped into Pav about dismantling his team," said Atomic Punks GM Keith Kuratko. "Little did they know that he was reconstructing a powerhouse of a team. He has to be the favorite now in the All-American Conference."

Although pleased with the production, Pavelich said his squad still has a long way to go in its quest for a three-peat.

"Maybe the high score convinces some owners that I actually have an idea about what I'm doing," Pavelich said. "But it won't mean squat if I can't build on it, run off some wins, and find a way to squeeze into the playoffs."

That goal might be a tough one considering how balanced the All-American Conference is this year. Pavelich's Vigilantes lead the White Division in scoring but are in last place. Joe Nunney's Black Diamond club, 112-73 winners over Bill Long and the Long Shots, lead the conference in scoring with a 96.8 per game average yet find themselves with just a 2-4 record. The Red Division has three teams - the Psychedelic B's, Atomic Punks and LTP - that are a combined 13-5.

In other games, Jester X owner Will Van Bibber (pictured left) gained a measure of revenge for Jody Barth's "moon shot smack" from a year ago (CLICK HERE TO SEE) by dropping Team Bud from the ranks of the unbeaten, 84-80.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" said Barth. "I fucking lost to Jester X! Slow down Jester, think before you go running off at the mouth. I lost because Mark Brunell received a concussion, laying his head down on his pillow, on the first fucking series of the game. Fuck! All I have to say is Ohio State -- #4 in the nation. It is hard to accept this loss but I will see your ass in the playoffs."

Bryan Vince's Psychedelic B's improved to 5-1 and maintained a one game lead on both the Atomic Punks and LTP by hammering Sam Profio and the Donikers, 92-67.

"Wow, how the mighty have fallen," said Vince (pictured right). "Usually Grandpa Profio waits till the fantasy bowl to make his big exit. Now he's bowing out early. I even was nice to one of our seniors by not playing my kicker but that didn't even help. All is not lost though, I heard he's been cleaning up at the Bingo Parlor."

Vince, reveling in the glow of a big win, also took the time to respond to other owners who have battled with him throughout the year.

"Meter Maid Smack, standing out in the cold writing ticket smack, watching stop signs smack," Vince said. "You people are too much. The funny part is that if any of you limp wristed homos met any officer it would be, 'yes sir, no sir, no that's not a penis in my hand sir.' Keep running it though, I seem to be the only one who can back it up. As Homobound II put it last week, they were playing hide the sausage with their pet goat for 5 weeks, opened there pie holes (which is usually only opened for SPECIAL occasions) and get ripped up by the pear shaped physics major. Another example, my little bitch Davie (Collins) is a big ZERO and 3 since he tried being a superstar. Now the only time he opens his mouth is when Master Rosie takes the gag out."

After the loss dropped his team to 1-5, Profio began building for next year by shipping RB Shaun Alexander and WR Tim Brown to the Cosmic Monsters for RB Kevan Barlow (3 units for '03) and WR Peerless Price (6 units for '03). CLICK HERE TO SEE ALL FRANCHISE PLAYER VALUES FOR NEXT SEASON. The deal immediately drew the wrath of several owners.

"What the hell is this about!?!" said Intimidators GM Steve Payne. "Are you kidding me?? Alexander and Brown for Price and Barlow!?! I sure am glad Sam is in my division. He obviously feels that since CMartin is having such an explosive year, that he can afford to let Shaun go. I can't believe this. Maybe the rest of you guys are right. Maybe this is the geriatric conference!?! Unbelievable.

"I'm sure the argument will be made that the plan is to keep Barlow for next year as a franchise
player," Payne said. "But to me, that would be admitting to tanking your season. I thought coming into this league that DTL would be a team to contend with. Now I know all his past fortunes have just been plain luck. The Cosmic Monsters pulled off a great trade."

"We need to introduce the Ted Stepien rule for the Erie league," said Titlebound Two co-owner Brett Harney. "Some owners need protection from themselves, obviously."

Profio (pictured left) was quick to defend the merits of his trade. "Gentlemen, gentlemen," said Profio. "I have more strength at running back than wide receiver. I am 1-5. Obviously the great duo of Alexander and Brown has not done a lot for me. Rice and even Jerry Porter are outscoring Brown in recent weeks. And, yes, Martin is back! Pennington is making a difference and Martin is healthy. For those uninitiated, take a page from Pav's book and look at the strength of schedule for Alexander, Martin, and Price. Price is an upgrade over Brown.  Barlow is not over Alexander but that evens the trade. For further information, please log onto one of Keith's favorite web sites, www.idon'tgiveafuck.com. Thank you, thank you."
 

Top Week Six performers were QB Daunte Culpepper (pictured left), who totaled 29 points for the Atomic Punks and Shadow Bandits and RB Travis Henry (pictured right) who had 28 points for Jester X and his new club, the Midnight Vigilantes. This was the second time for each player that they have received Player of the Week honors this season.

To get your own smack talk printed on The Sports Page, either send an e-mail to the commissioner (KPAVELICH@neo.rr.com) or do it yourself on the league's message board. Go to http://fflnet2.myfantasyleague.com/fflnet2002/home/80682, scroll down until you see the buttons for links and team names, click the button for message board on the left, click the button for your team name on the right, enter your password and you're there.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"Dave -- I say we do something about the Don't Know situation. Can't we bust up the team and auction off the little bit of talent he has to the highest bidder? It's a damn shame that we have owners putting solid products on the field, losing when they score 98, 100 and 101 points, while some other lucky SOB gets an easy win when they play Don't Know and their juggernaut 40 point offensive machine. Now I realize I'm one of the fortunate ones who gets to play him two times a year but this is getting ridiculous. I vote for contraction!!" Midnight Vigilantes GM Kirk Pavelich, writing to Great Lakes Too Commissioner Dave Bell about an 0-6 franchise in that league. CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THE GREAT LAKES TOO LEAGUE.

"I say we be the first ones to exit the league on the grounds that we're dealing with a bunch of Neanderthal, one brain cell, 'I do this football thing cause I have no other life', 'I must have no job if this is all I think about', thumb sucking, hands in there pants all day, you're all a bunch of  damn losers, GLP II league. I bet you Kirk Pavelich, like some of these other guys, likes to pick fights with the umps at his kids softball game or never played sports  in his life and lives his sports fantasy through his kids or even worse this fantasy football thing." Don't Know GM Rick Pennza's response to Pavelich.

"Maybe Rick can find a junior high fantasy league that won't be so rough. What a puss!” Titlebound Two co-owner Brett Harney, also an owner of the Red Zone franchise, responding to Pennza's comments.

"By the way, nice rip job on the Horn Headed Dude. I've taught you well young Skywalker." Psychedelic B's GM Bryan Vince, after reading Midnight Vigilantes owner Kirk Pavelich's criticism of Horn-Headed Degenerates GM Paul Tanski's comments in last week's Sports Page.

"Van Selleck, do you use mustache jell or a comb on that pubic hair above your lip. One more thing, did you get to drive that fast red car or did they use a stunt Jamie, I mean dummie?" Vince again, taking a shot at Jester X owner Will Van Bibber.

"I don't think Pav will be talking much shit after this week any ways. A great team (that would be me) from the STRONGEST division is going to wipe his schools cafeteria floor with him." Intimidators GM Steve Payne, commenting on his Great Lakes Too matchup with Kirk Pavelich's Young Guns squad.

"Why don't you worry about getting your club within 70 points of mine before you start talking shit. I whipped your ass in the Erie League and I'll gladly do it again in the GLL-2." Midnight Vigilantes GM Kirk Pavelich, responding to Payne's comments. Pavelich's Vigilantes defeated Payne's Intimidators 130-56 in last week's Erie League action.

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