The Sports Page        

Volume 10, Issue 7 

The On-Line Newsletter of the Erie Fantasy Football League

Oct. 11, 2002
League History  

League Standings

Interleague teams to do battle

Flurry of trades highlights annual cross-conference matchup week

For the fourth straight year, teams from the All-American Conference will square off with teams from the Browns Conference in the Erie League's annual week of interleague play. Last season, the Browns Conference dominated, winning eight of the 12 contests, to even the three year record at 18 wins per conference.

Several teams, most notably the Midnight Vigilantes, who have stumbled out of the gate with a 1-4 mark, worked the phones all week in an effort to improve their squads. Vigilantes GM Kirk Pavelich (pictured right) traded away six players -- QB Aaron Brooks, RB LaDainian Tomlinson, RB Corey Dillon, RB Jerome Bettis, RB Michael Pittman and WR Kevin Dyson -- to three teams for QB Joey Harrington, RB Ahman Green, RB Najeh Davenport, RB Travis Henry and WR Terrell Owens.

"There is something I do not like about these trades," said LTP GM Don Jones.

"I would agree with these guys," said Long Shots owner Bill Long. "It looks a little uneven to me."

"I've got to agree as well," said Horn-Headed Degenerates GM Paul Tanski. "Either the Vigilantes aren't too bright or something stinks!"

Pavelich, who has guided the Vigilantes to the past two Erie League titles and three championships during his tenure, took exception to the criticism.

"The worst thing you can do in fantasy football is stand pat when you have guys who are considered studs," Pavelich said. "Those of us who have actually won in this game know the real key to success is getting the players who are going to have the most favorable matchups come crunch time. Brooks and Tomlinson both have tough schedules the rest of the way. Green, Henry and Owens do not. We'll see what happens.

"Paul Tanski might think he's a genius because he's 4-1. I've got news for you rookie - you haven't won shit in this league yet. I'll take my team -- despite the slow start -- against your high-powered, 71.6 per game offensive machine any day of the week. We can even set up a weekly side bet if you want. Try winning a division title before you go claiming a three-time champ 'isn't too bright.' I think you'll see there's a method to my madness."

In the Browns Conference, Stonehenge GM Jamie Roush (pictured left) pulled the trigger on a deal with Shadow Bandits owner Paul Labonte, sending RB Lamar Smith and WR Jerry Rice to the Bandits for WR Randy Moss and RB Thomas Jones. The trade lead to instant criticism from Intimidators GM Steve Payne.

"Are you f'n kidding me," Payne said. "Now Stonehenge has Harrison, Moss & Owens!?! Jesus! And what was Shadow Bandit thinking? The guy has been in the national top 25 once or twice already this season! Listen here my friend, you shouldn't fix it if it isn't broke. Now I see why your bio reads: Years in Erie League: 10, Conference Titles: NONE, Fantasy Bowl Titles : NONE. Maybe that should tell you something Paul!

Roush was quick to defend his deal.

"What are you talking about?" Roush said. "Let me lay this out for you. He has Garner who won't play this week, so he needs a running back.  He is without Booker who is his highest scoring wide. Lamar Smith has 83 points year to date and Rice has 44 points year to date. Moss only has 35 points and Jones only has 37 points.
Plus Moss might even be suspended for a few games.  I can't believe I even have to defend this trade to you. He's been putting up those numbers without Moss! Don't be so quick to judge it on player names rather than performance. Hell, if that was the case Profio should be undefeated!"

The Shadow Bandits made the deal despite setting an Erie League record last week for most points in a contest, as they hammered the Godfather, 158-98. Click to see Erie League Record Book. Labonte's club has now scored 601 points in five games, an average of 120.2 per contest, and appear poised to shatter the three-year-old record for most points in a season, set by the 1999 Psychedelic B's. However, the Bandits aren't the highest ranking Erie League team in the National Fantasy Football Rankings. That honor belongs to Jody Barth and undefeated Team Bud, the only perfect team left in the league at 5-0. Team Bud checks in at #115. CLICK HERE TO SEE NATIONAL FANTASY FOOTBALL RANKINGS.

Top Week Five performers were RB Priest Holmes (pictured left), who totaled 35 points for the Dayton Penatrators and Shadow Bandits and QB Rich Gannon (pictured right) who had 34 points for the Psychedelic B's and Shadow Bandits. Holmes, the early season favorite for the Most Valuable Player award, has collected 137 points in five games, an average of 27.4 points per contest.

Thanks to all of you who keep the smack coming. You make my job as commissioner so much easier and so much more enjoyable when you continue to provide me with the good content week in and week out. To get your own smack talk printed on The Sports Page, either send an e-mail to the commissioner (KPAVELICH@neo.rr.com) or do it yourself on the league's message board. Go to http://fflnet2.myfantasyleague.com/fflnet2002/home/80682, scroll down until you see the buttons for links and team names, click the button for message board on the left, click the button for your team name on the right, enter your password and you're there.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"Please keep all dialog (Bryan - that is talking) w/ Vince down to two syllables." Titlebound Two co-owner Brett Harney, responding to last week's criticism of Psychedelic B's GM Bryan Vince.

"Did you think of that before or after you tongued washed Dougherty's sack??" B's GM Bryan Vince's response.

"No, after I saw you shine your bald ass head in the toilet water after I took a dump." Harney's response.

"Roush, the 'I'm a physics major' line might work on a fat gold digger at a redneck bar that Jester X patronizes but it won't work in this league." Team Bud GM Jody Barth, taking a shot at Stonehenge GM Jamie Roush's comments from last week.

"Dayton Penetrator's Dave:  I am not your BITCH!  For the owners out there -- Dave decides to e-mail me and ask me to call and make some transactions for him. 'I work at my second job as a bartender on transaction night.' Dave, two weeks ago I got in a foot chase, climbing fences, running through backyards, avoiding pit bulls, catching and wrestling the felon to the ground. All this and five minutes until my call-in slot time. I improvised, while he was in the backseat of my cruiser waiting for Cleveland E.M.S, I broke off a telephone call to Joe. In other words "I ain't yo BITCH!" Barth again, letting Dayton Penatrators GM Dave Collins know that he won't help him out on transaction night.

"You know I have sat by this year watching some of the crap unleashed on our webpage. I kept quiet, hoping that the content would change over time for the better. Enough is enough. After 5 weeks I am still being bombarded with Vince's pathetic attempts at smack. Last year was my first in the league, and my first exposure to the Psychedelic Bitches and its owner Brian Vince. If this guy isn't standing proof that liquor and sex don't mix I don't know what is. I mean give me a break on and on and on about the cop thing, that story has been played to its end. HE IS A FRICKEN METER MAID!!! I read the whole essay on taking a bullet and running to the scene of the crime. Are you kidding me, when was the last time you saw THE METER MAID running toward the scene of the crime?? Your idea of the scene of the crime is 20 minutes after the meter ran out, and your idea of a bullet is nickel stuck in quarter dispenser. In closing, Bryan please get off your soap box, the song remains the same! You are one step away from being the 30 year old guy in the shopping mall, dressed as a security guard staring at the pretty 12 year old girls!" Titlebound Two co-owner J.P. Dougherty getting in on the anti-Vince smack that appears to be a theme of this week's Sports Page.

"It must have been a rocking little time in the 'male fanny slappers' house Tuesday morning. After Homobound II's huge win over the Punks, the whip cream and strawberry lotion must have been flowing. I can just see Doughtery running around in his little 'baseball man' outfit sliding into Harney's home plate. SAFE!!!  exclaims Brett. 'But you forgot to touch home plate, you sassy lil' man, run back a touch home plate!! Ya, that's the spot.' Look out for the next big win, Doughtery in his red power tie and Harney as the naughty French maid." Vince's response to Dougherty and Harney.

"You know, it took me a full season and 5 games but I finally figured it out. You are trying not to be funny on purpose because you can't be this bad at smack on accident. You've been attempting to be witty for this long now and the only thing your quotes are good for is a substitute for Charmin. You'd also think that being a 'Physics Major' you would be a little more diligent in researching you quotes. If you did, you'd know that I spent the first 3 years of my career, now listen up my little math geek, in the 5th district of Cleveland with the University Circle Police Department. So, not only do I know what the jail bars looked like, I used to put little smart ass, big talkers like you behind them. Awwww, I just re-read your quote from last week, now my stomach hurts, I need to run to the bathroom and take a Jamie." Vince's response to last week's comments by Stonehenge GM Jamie Roush.

"I don't see anything wrong with what he is trying to do. His team is struggling and he is trying to salvage his season. I feel he is doing the right thing." Dayton Penatrators owner Dave Collins, responding to this week's criticism of the trades made by Midnight Vigilantes GM Kirk Pavelich.

"Not to get too involved here, seeing that I am involved, but don't forget that Pav will get Harrington again next year for $1. That almost kept me from pulling the trigger." Masons GM John Thiem's response to the trade criticism.

"Listen 'Mr. Acting Like You're Doing Me a Favor,' you came to me. If you want Owens, I want L.T and Burress. I'm  completely fine with going with the run and shoot for the rest of the year." B's GM Vince, corresponding with Pavelich as the two worked on finalizing their trade.

"OK, Mr. Run and Shoot. Go ahead and try to become the first guy in league history to win a championship with one running back. Best of luck." Pavelich's response.

"No problem. You try winning more than one game and get that average up to a robust 82 pts." Vince's response.

"No problem. You try winning more than one championship in the past six years." Pavelich's response.

"Mr. Potato Head huh? I liked it. Fresh, cutting edge material. Now ring the bell and have the nurse change your diaper. You stink and so does your team." Team Bud GM Barth responding to last week's comments by Bonecrushers owner Dave Bell.

"To Psychedelic B's owner Bryan Vince - Jester X is MY bitch. I let you pimp him out for a week or two. Now I have to put him back on my corner. I'm getting heat from my male customers." Barth again, responding to last week's criticism of Jester X GM Will Van Bibber by Bryan Vince.

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