The Sports Page        

Volume 10, Issue 6 

The On-Line Newsletter of the Erie Fantasy Football League

Oct. 4, 2002
League History  

League Standings

B's quiet Collins, Penatrators

Vince's squad wins fourth straight game, leads to more smack talk

Bryan Vince's Psychedelic B's improved to 4-0 this week after their convincing 111-71 victory over Dave Collins' upstart Dayton Penatrators. The win was an especially satisfying one for Vince (pictured below right), due to all the trash talking done prior to the game by Penatrators GM Dave Collins.

"Does anything really need to be said?" Vince said. "You sorry excuse for a man. I've seen two street bums wrestling over a cardboard box put up a better fight than you. You talk all kinds of smack and then what happens? You show up, if you call that showing up, and promptly get smacked in the mouth. You say I have a big mouth - you're Goddamn right I have a big mouth - but I can back it up. I don't talk shit and then lay down and spread my legs like a $2 whore. You thought your little, cut and paste Rosie picture was cute. You thought you could run smack with me, but just like that line from the Fast and The Furious, 'You don't get in the Ring with Ali just because you think you can box.' Smack is my game, my ball yard and you're not even in my league. You better start off in the minors and try and earn your call up. Start with the Physics Scholar Roush or Will Van Selleck. They are more your speed. Like I said before, next time you talk it, you better be able to walk it."

CLICK HERE FOR THIS WEEK'S AP GAME RECAP STORY.

Despite not being able to back up his pre-game boasts, Collins (pictured left) proved he will never be the type of owner who stays quiet after a defeat.

"VINCE, VINCE, VINCE," said Collins. "I don't know about these last few weak feeble attempts at trying to put me into hiding, or me being a submissive bitch (put some overtime in on that one eh?). In actuality, I was expecting something a little stronger from the self proclaimed 'Smack Daddy'. But if the ole run of the mill, 'submissive bitch', senorita for $1 is the best you have, I will have to COME DOWN to your level for a minute or two, although I really do not enjoy being on my knees as much as you do, performing your so called 'mouth aerobic exercises'. I know you enjoyed the pre-game ceremonies of the past week and want to personally congratulate you on your coming out of the closet and becoming the first he-she owner in Erie League History. Your pre-game 'STARFISH LOVE' speech was profound and one of a kind. You definitely know how to captivate an audience, with your expertise and know how of being a 'switch hitter.' For future reference, when you are being honored before a game may I suggest you avoid being paged over the PA system, because you are stuck in the locker room or should I say 'being stuck in the locker room.'

"Blah, Blah, Blah," Vince responded. "I guess in Dayton, smack is run a little different. 'Switch Hitter and Mouth Aerobic Exercises' -- that is the best you could come up with? The only Aerobic Exercise I got this weekend was smacking your ass. I mean, how in the hell can you say anything after your weak smack performance last week and your team's even weaker performance? You are 2-2 and just took a pounding that any ass pirate would have been proud of. Your words do not hold much water when you try and talk shit and then get hammered by 40 points. Just keep trying to run it and I'll be watching you and your team's performance in the Toilet Bowl. By the way, Smack Daddy isn't self proclaimed. If you want the title, you better come a lot harder than that."

In other games of interest, Paul Labonte's Shadow Bandits dropped their first game of the season, 100-84 to Jester X, a loss that knocked the Bandits from the Top 25 in the National Fantasy Football Rankings. Now the highest ranking Erie League team on the poll is Vince's B's, who check in at the #94 position. CLICK HERE TO SEE NATIONAL FANTASY FOOTBALL RANKINGS.

Despite dropping a 98-88 decision to the Godfather, Stonehenge GM Jamie Roush (pictured right) took the time to respond to Vince's "Physics Major" smack from last week. CLICK HERE TO READ.

"Oh yeah, those are great stories," Roush said. "How about the time when you set the department record for writing the most parking tickets in the 20 below weather or the big stakeout when you pulled over the most cars for running the same stop sign? Or how about the time when you got yelled at by the Police Chief because he wanted sugar in his coffee and you forgot. If I were you sport, I'd stick with the fresh donut smack. At least it makes you seem like a real cop! What's next? The story about when you visited the Cleveland precinct and actually saw prisoners being held behind bars?"

Veteran Erie League owner Dave Bell (pictured left), whose Bonecrushers fell to 1-3 after this week's 101-73 loss to Steve Payne's Intimidators, found enjoyment in reading the constant war of words among Vince and the other owners.

"One flew over the cuckoo's nest," Bell said. "I detect some real animosity going down between No Stones and Officer Fuzz. I think they are ready to be locked up in a tough man cage and slug it out to the last wiener standing. And that Michigan Geek, Van Dyke and Mr. Potato Head could tag up in the other corner and read Wolverine and Buckeye poetry to each other. And of course, Numb Nuts - with too many fucking words in his name to fit on the program) could referee. The guy is body slamming my trade right after he lost to me and he thinks I should be eliminated! If that ain't funny farm material, I don't know what is! I got news for you Jobu. My ass was here when you came in and it will be here when you go out! Pav, you need to throw all of their asses into a 'retard' division and let them hurl Nerf darts back and forth. Meanwhile, I'll let my boys do the talking on Sundays."

Top Week Four performer was RB Shaun Alexander (pictured left), who totaled 52 points (139 rushing yards, 92 receiving yards, 5 TDs) for LTP and the Donikers-DTL, an output that established a new high water mark in the Erie League Record Book. RB LaDainian Tomlinson (pictured right) had 35 points for the week as a starter for the Midnight Vigilantes and the Donikers-DTL. The 87-point backfield production helped propel Sam Profio's Donikers-DTL to their first win of the season, a 128-69 triumph over the Long Shots.

Thanks to all of you who keep the smack coming. You make my job as commissioner so much easier and so much more enjoyable when you continue to provide me with the good content week in and week out. To get your own smack talk printed on The Sports Page, either send an e-mail to the commissioner (KPAVELICH@neo.rr.com) or do it yourself on the league's message board. Go to http://fflnet2.myfantasyleague.com/fflnet2002/home/80682, scroll down until you see the buttons for links and team names, click the button for message board on the left, click the button for your team name on the right, enter your password and you're there.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"I have never been so moved by a speech since watching the movie Patton. Thanks Bryan. I'm proud to say that I have thrown you out of a baseball game (before you were Johnny Law of course!) I am just glad you hit spell check before you sent your serenade to Pav. Oh sorry. Serenade is another speech. I forgot - no words over two syllables for you, Serpico." Titlebound Two co-owner Brett Harney, responding to last week's Smack Talking effort by Psychedelic B's GM Bryan Vince.

"I'm sure with Van Selleck's huge win this week he'll be attempting his hand at some smack running.  I'ts funny how he only attempts to run it after a win.  Thank God that doesn't happen too much.  I just want to know one thing -- how did Higgins get those two Dobermans to sit like that??" B's GM Vince, running some smack at Jester X GM Will Van Bibber on a week that Jester X dominated the nationally-ranked Shadow Bandits, 100-84.

"Losing to Damicone--"HowAboutYouWinAFuckenGame!!" Vince again, taking a shot at Jason Gillespie, owner of the winless HowAboutALilBitAThat squad.

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