The Sports Page        

Volume 10, Issue 5 

The On-Line Newsletter of the Erie Fantasy Football League

Sept. 27, 2002
League History  

League Standings

More trash talking after Week 3

Vince, Roush rivalry heats up; newcomer Collins joins the mix

Just four teams remain perfect through three weeks, including Paul Labonte and the Shadow Bandits, who again find themselves ranked in the Top 25 in the National Fantasy Football Rankings. CLICK HERE TO SEE NATIONAL FANTASY FOOTBALL RANKINGS. However, as is usually the case in the Erie League, the action on the field once again took a backseat to the talking off.

Last week, Bryan Vince (pictured right), whose Psychedelic B's are one of the remaining undefeated teams after this week's 95-89 triumph over the Atomic Punks, was the target of Stonehenge GM Jamie Roush. CLICK HERE TO SEE ROUSH'S COMMENTS IN LAST WEEK'S SPORTS PAGE. Among Roush's remarks were criticism of Vince's career as a police officer ("He spends all day in Jolly Pirate donuts and has the opportunity to research players and think of something really weak to say about the other teams") and the defense of his own math skills ("I have a fucking physics degree! Vince, since you're obviously stupid as shit, physics is based around math. I thought cops were at least semi-intelligent.") This week, the B's owner had the opportunity to respond.

"I have to apologize to the other owners in the league for making them read my 'feeble attempts' at running smack," Vince said. "I mean, Roush and the never heard before Cop/Donut Smack, is so fresh, so cutting edge. But here we go again. A Physics major, WOW, I stand corrected.  If I would have known that, I never would have ripped on you. What a noble and respect demanding profession. I remember the countless times in my youth when my buddies and I were out 'bending the law,' and all of a sudden one of them said, 'Dudes, chill out, there's a PHYSICS MAJOR!!' What about those times you were walking along and you heard a women scream, 'Someone call the PHYSICS MAJOR, that guy stole my purse.' And the stories, Oh the stories I bet you can tell. Like the time you got into a foot pursuit and caught that fleeing felon hiding under a car.  Wait...that was me. What about the time you helped break up that fight at the Euclid Tavern and the dude took a swing at you, so you face planted him into a dumpster. Wait...that was me too. I know, what about the time you were startled by the door closing too hard and you turned fast and spilled your coffee all over your PHYSICS math problems. WOW, was that scary.

"Bottom line Physics Geek, I wear a uniform with a badge. You probably wear a white lab coat with a pocket protector. I carry a gun and handcuffs. You carry a calculator and a slide rule. I can take away someone's freedom. You, well, can't. You can try and crack on my profession all you want, but when the bullets are flying, remember who is running toward them and who's running away. By the way, your fantasy team still blows."

Vince also took the time to respond to last week's comments by Jester X owner Will Van Bibber (pictured left), who suggested the B's GM ought to look into a career in gay porno because his mouth was so big.

"Van Blabber, Van Blabber, Van Blabber," Vince responded. "Me in gay porn?? Dude, I've had so many ladies that there is a good possibility that you should call me 'DADDY.' But if this were the gay porn industry, I guess that would make you my fluffer. I mean damn, if there was ever a face made for radio!! By the way, next time I see you, I'll be sure and give you one of my razors so you can shave that cheesy, 1980s, 'Tom Selleck' wannabe mustache off your face. Jester X, 1-2, averaging a robust 80 something points a game. Yep, your scary talent definitely drove me off."

However, Vince wasn't the only owner participating in the trash talking game. Late word filtered to the staff of The Sports Page about a Friday afternoon Associated Press story making the rounds in the Dayton area. CLICK HERE TO READ: Penatrators to honor B's owner 'Rosie' Vince.

Among the comments made by Vince's Week Four opponent, rookie GM Dave Collins of the Dayton Penatrators (3-1), the top scoring team in the All-American Conference with 100.3 points per game: "If you ask me I think Vince is just another big mouthed, donut eating, drama king or should I say queen, who cums all over himself reading his own boisterous comments."

In the Browns Conference, Paul Labonte's Shadow Bandits improved to 3-0 with a 113-53 thumping of the Long Shots. In three games, the Bandits have scored an amazing 359 points, an average of 119.7 per contest. Brad Rzyczycki's Cosmic Monsters, newcomers to the Browns Conference, are also at 3-0 after this week's 76-71 win over Jester X. Jody Barth and Team Bud round out the list of perfect clubs, as they won their third straight, 75-66 over the Hostile Omish in a battle of White Division unbeatens.

"The All-American White Division - those are my bitches," Barth said. "To put it into perspective I feel like the Minnesota Twins. I'm on top of the weakest division in the Erie Fantasy Football League."

Week Three also saw the first two trades of the season. In the All-American Conference, Kirk Pavelich's struggling Midnight Vigilantes dealt QB Kerry Collins to Titlebound Two for RB Michael Pittman, while the Browns Conference featured the shocking trade of Bonecrushers QB Donovan McNabb, the league's top signal caller, to Steve Payne and the Intimidators for RB Corey Dillon.

"I don't usually say anything unless something is directed at me but this had to be said," said HowAboutALilBitAThat GM Jason Gillespie (pictured right), whose club is 0-3 despite averaging 90 points per game. "Mr. Bell should be eliminated from the league. He has obviously contracted old-timers disease or the effects from World War One are finally starting to take effect. Why do I say this???? McNabb for Dillion straight up?
FUCK!!! is about the only thing that comes to mind here. And he already has five shitty running backs on his team. Now he adds another for the top rated QB in the league?? Shit I would've traded you Wheatley for McNabb. That's fair right??? Of course he does this right after a HUGE day by McNabb fuels his win over my UNLUCKY ass team who just seems to want to play everyone when they have their career game. 113 points against average.......Lord. Guess I should have named my team "HowAboutStickItInMyAss."

Top Week Three performers included: RB Priest Holmes (pictured left), who totaled 37 points for the Dayton Penatrators and Shadow Bandits and QB Donovan McNabb (pictured right), who scored 35 points for the Masons and Bonecrushers. This is the third consecutive week that the highest scoring player from the Browns Conference has come from the roster of the Shadow Bandits.

To get your own smack talk printed on The Sports Page, either send an e-mail to the commissioner (KPAVELICH@neo.rr.com) or do it yourself on the league's message board. Go to http://fflnet2.myfantasyleague.com/fflnet2002/home/80682, scroll down until you see the buttons for links and team names, click the button for message board on the left, click the button for your team name on the right, enter your password and you're there.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"Hmmmm...Take transaction calls for the conference you are in and win two straight Fantasy Bowls.  Stop taking those said calls and start the season 0-3.  Coincidence, I don't think.  That just shows you how ridiculously retarded our red-headed call taker his.  I guess he's not PHYSICS MAJOR!!" Psychedelic B's GM Bryan Vince commenting on his belief that All-American deputy commissioner Joe Nunney hasn't picked up on former transaction handler Kirk Pavelich's tactics. Vince has always alleged that Pavelich won his championships by using the commissioner's office as an illegal advantage.

"Dear DJ - Oooooooh!  I am shaking in my boots ... Oh please won't someone save me from this powerfully nasty line-up. Give me a break - sending me your line-up on Tuesday before you have made any transactions is a bit arrogant isn't it?" Gargoyles owner Storm Thomas in an e-mail to his Week Four opponent, LTP GM Don Jones.

"Storm: Hi, How are you? If it may seem arrogant, I am sorry for that... but the truth of the matter is that I set my lineup very early in the week due to not having a  computer at home and the interruption of my use at school. (I do not get access everyday to my computer). Also I do not have a great deal of time to be a 'computer geek' and sit in front of my computer all day deciding a fantasy game... so there is very few times throughout the year that I will make a transaction. But this week just for your 'jumping to stupid conclusions' I may go ahead and pick someone up. If my lineup has you shaking in your boots...  maybe you should finally do your own drafting because my team sucks at this time..." Jones' e-mailed response to Thomas.

"Jones - Get use to it brother- I have a feeling your team will suck the entire year. I'll bet Harney's money on it." Thomas' e-mailed response to Jones.

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