The Sports Page        

Volume 10, Issue 4         The On-Line Newsletter of the Erie Fantasy Football League       Sept. 19, 2002

Two weeks in, smack talk begins

Message board heats up as owners begin firing shots at each other

Nine teams are still perfect at 2-0 while nine others are still winless at 0-2. More importantly, the end of Week Two brought back the thing that makes the Erie League special - smack talking has officially returned.

Jamie Roush (pictured right), whose Stonehenge club evened their record at 1-1 with a convincing 96-78 win over Jester X, took offense to last week's comments by Psychedelic B's GM Bryan Vince. In the exclusive Sports Page article, Vince had commented on Roush handling transactions for the Browns Conference: "Besides the fact that he can't add or subtract once he runs out of fingers and toes, I didn't think his hillbilly ass even had a phone."

"I am playing this season under protest," Roush said. "See, Vince has an unfair advantage over the rest of us. He spends all day in Jolly Pirate donuts, he has the opportunity to research players and think of something really weak to say about the other teams. His latest attempt was obviously one of his weakest. I forgot that all of the 'Rednecks' as Vince called me live in Rocky River. What the?? Dumbass! Not to mention his weak attempt to talk about my math skills. I have a fucking physics degree! Vince, since you're obviously stupid as shit, physics is based around math. I thought cops were at least semi-intelligent. You are obviously an exception to the rule. By the way, I would be really disappointed if I didn't receive one of your traditionally feeble attempts to retaliate. Make sure you take a week to figure out a good one. And have another donut!"

Vince, whose club now stands at 2-0 after a 40 point drubbing of Matt Rzyczycki and Captain Tripps, instead took the time to fire shots at owners within his conference.

"Just like in the draft, Captain Punchless has been barely heard from," Vince said. "But 106-66? Damn, I whooped him like a read headed step-NUNNEY"

Despite dropping the decision to Stonehenge, Jester X owner Will Van Bibber (pictured left) took the opportunity to reacquaint himself with several other GM's.

"For only being in this league for two years, I am proud to say that there are teams that I have not lost to," Van Bibber said. "One is Bryan 'My mouth is so big that I should have went into gay porno' Vince, A.K.A. the Psych-a-suck-it B's (1-0). You are lucky that you moved to the other conference this year or that record would be 2-0. The others I am referring to are revered as historians, great strategist, and primary stock share holders in VIAGRA. They are the Geriatric Gang. 

"Jim 'I am as old as King Solomon' Damicone (3-0) and Dave 'I wish I had a Boner to Crush' Bell (1-0). By the way, to the two cops Barth and the toothless wonder
Vince, I hope you guys get frostbite in the winter from having to write parking tickets. I must admit that at least you guys are trying. Oh my GOD you guys are both 2-0. Did the Florida chad counters add up your scores
because that must have been a miss count."

Barth (pictured right), whose team now stands at 2-0 after sending the defending champion Midnight Vigilantes to their second straight loss, had comments for multiple members of the Browns Conference and a challenge for Mike Kuratko, whose Hostile Omish will take on Team Bud this week in a battle of unbeatens.

"The Browns Division is a mess," Barth said. "I don't know what the hell you guys are doing. Before the season even started I was receiving e-mails wanting to make trades between the two divisions. JESTER, I know your out there! Tell me who won the game between Notre Dame and Michigan? As for the Godfather... The Godfather! Are you kidding me? More like GOMER PYLE. Go Soprano's! 2-0 to start the season I feel confident this week. I have the home field advantage. Hostile Omish at Team Bud, that's right. Welcome to the jungle!"

Second year man Bill Long and his Long Shots, who improved to 2-0 after a 97-84 win over Jason Gillespie and HowAboutALilBitAThat, took the time to fire shots at one of the charter members of the league.

"Listen up Doctor Evil Bonner," said Long (pictured left) to Bonecrushers GM Dave Bell. "Your Team sucks shit! I was on the road with you the past two weeks and my team is 2-0. I just don't think that you can handle your booze, looking at women and football all at the same time. Sounds like an age thing to me."

Bell, whose club is 0-2, is averaging just 52.5 points per week and has left 145 points on the bench in two weeks, had a response of his own.

"Eat shit and die, Mini Me!!!" Bell said. "We have to give you guys a little head start or listen to your whining all day long. You don't want to get this train started. It will run your ass over!!! Just worry about all the injuries coming your way. The Crushers just need to work on the coach a little bit, that's all."

Top Week Two performers included: QB Daunte Culpepper (pictured left), who totaled 31 points for the Atomic Punks and Shadow Bandits and WR Peerless Price, who scored 30 points for the Psychedelic B's and Cosmic Monsters. QB Drew Bledsoe (pictured right) had a monster week with 32 points. However, only HowAboutALilBitAThat could benefit as Black Diamond GM Joe Nunney had left him on the bench.

To get your own smack talk printed on The Sports Page, either send an e-mail to the commissioner (KPAVELICH@neo.rr.com) or do it yourself on the league's message board. Go to http://fflnet2.myfantasyleague.com/fflnet2002/home/80682, scroll down until you see the buttons for links and team names, click the button for message board on the left, click the button for your team name on the right, enter your password and you're there.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"Listen hear Jody - Did your parents really want a girl and that's why they named you JODY?!? I would expect a comment from a "WHITEHEAD" like you concerning the Godfather.. I would be careful what I say or you might wake-up with a Horse Head in your bed. But from what I've heard about you, that would be the best thing that you could ever have!!!!" Godfather GM Doug Frank responding to Team Bud owner Jody Barth's shot at Frank's franchise name.

"By the way, I hope your freaking fantasy teams are better than your smack running. Godfather, ripping on Jody's name isn't very fresh, she has feeling too. Hey, don't you touch that horses head or you might just have one very jealous Horn Headed Dude. That's his little piece of heaven. For the last time, please leave the senior citizens of our league alone. Their days of bingo, speed walking through the mall, and searching for Depends coupons can't leave them enough time to worry about fantasy football. In closing, Opie Nunney was voted by Fantasy Football Weekly as the Worst Owner/Coach in the history of it's publication." Smack daddy Bryan Vince, Psychedelic B's GM in his spare time, commenting on several owners.

"Thank God for Storm and his team." LTP owner Don Jones, after his club dropped to 0-2, averaging 59 points per game. The Gargoyles, owned by Storm Thomas, are 0-2 and are averaging 47 points per game.

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