The Sports Page        

Editor's Note: On a much more serious note, our condolences go out to Paul Labonte and his family. Paul asked this evening if I'd mention in this week's edition that his father passed away on Dec. 6th at 3 p.m. Mr. Labonte had been ill with cancer for the past two years and just took a turn for the worst in the past week. Paul said his family feels blessed that his father did not suffer for an extended period of time. It's times like these that we realize the important things in life and what we're doing here is just a game. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Paul and his family.

Top seed, 2001 champs are out

Two upsets in All-American; Browns Conference true to form

Two top contenders in the All-American Conference, the top-seeded Psychedelic B's, owners of the conference's best record, and the Midnight Vigilantes, the defending champions and highest scoring team in the conference, were both eliminated from the playoffs during the opening round of action.

The B's, owned by Bryan Vince (pictured right), lost to the conference's number eight seed, the Dayton Penatrators, 102-78. Vince hurt his own cause when he left RB LaDainian Tomlinson and his 45 point performance on the bench and replaced WR Peerless Price (21 points) with TE Tony Gonzalez (13 points) just minutes before the start of the game.

"Fuckin' shoot me, stab me, poison me, cut my legs off, drag me behind a car, put slivers under my finger nails, and slit my fuckin throat," a shell-shocked Vince said after the game. "Do you believe my stupid ass line-up mistakes!!! I guess there is always next year."

Several owners, many of whom have been the target of Vince's trash talking throughout the year, took the opportunity to send along their condolences.

"It might be the funniest moment in the history of the Erie League," said Masons GM John Thiem, whose team advanced with an 83-74 win over Titlebound Two. "Vince going out in the first round, classic. It really is too bad -- he didn't deserve to be treated like that."

"There are a few things I could say but I have too much respect for Tammy so I won’t," said Donikers-DTL owner Sam Profio, whose team closed out a dismal 5-8 campaign with a consolation tournament loss.

"Drafting Dunn for only 10 Units: Intelligent," said LTP GM Don Jones. "Trading Owens for Tomlinson: Brilliant; Sticking your own Pole in your mouth to choke on...(by not playing Tomlinson): PRICELESS."

Penatrators GM Dave Collins, who attempted to get inside Vince's head earlier in the week, appeared to have been successful, considering the 53 points left on the B's bench.

"Thanks for thinking too hard about your lineup," Collins said. "I loved the brilliant last minute decision to bench Price and start Gonzales that netted me an extra 8 point lead on you. I know, I know. I should have never tried to play mind games with the 'KING PLAYER' was it? Thanks for KING PLAYING yourself into the OFF SEASON. Appreciate the help."

"Can't say much, major fuck up on my part," Vince responded. "It was really hard not to physically beat somebody when I was at work yesterday knowing what the hell was going on. Don't get on your high horse though, we'll meet again."

The other upset in the All-American Conference involved the three-time champion Midnight Vigilantes, who blew a 48 point Monday Night lead to lose in overtime, 101-89 to Don Jones and LTP. Vigilantes GM Kirk Pavelich (pictured left), lost his chance to win a third straight title when Jets QB Chad Pennington threw an interception on the last play of the Jets-Raiders game.

"I'm just fucking sick," Pavelich said. "I lost the game in OT based on that last meaningless INT the Raiders had to end the game. I needed a batted down ball, an incompletion, anything and I win. Unbelievable. I had a 48 point lead. I want to puke."

Jody Barth and his Team Bud club advanced to the conference semi-finals by holding off Keith Kuratko and the Atomic Punks, 128-111. QB Michael Vick and RB Ricky Williams' combined effort of 74 points proved to be enough to outdo the strong team performance of Kuratko's Punks.

Things were more true to form in the Browns Conference, as each of the top four seeds advanced to the semi-final round. Top-seed, the Godfather, drilled the Bonecrushers, 121-38, the high-scoring Shadow Bandits rallied on Monday Night to hold off the Intimidators, 106-95, the Cosmic Monsters upended HowAboutALilBitAThat, 99-85 and the Horn-Headed Degenerates bested Stonehenge, 82-72.

Eight teams remain in the chase for the 2002 Erie League Championship. Here is a rundown of each of the conference semi-final matchups: Team Bud vs. Dayton Penatrators; Masons vs. LTP; The Godfather vs. Horn-Headed Degenerates; Shadow Bandits vs. Cosmic Monsters.

Top Week Thirteen performers were QB Michael Vick (pictured left), who totaled 40 points for Team Bud and the Cosmic Monsters. RB Ricky Williams (pictured right) totaled 34 points for Team Bud and the Godfather.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"The Psychedelic B's have just been the victim of the biggest 'psych out' in league history. You stay with the team that got you the number one seed." Team Bud GM Jody Barth.

"LTP, I saw you working. Sucking on Kirk's right ass cheek with your lips. 'OH! Pav, you're the greatest in less than 14 seconds into the game you were up ten with Chad Johnson.' Only to bend him over and kick the two time defending champion out of contention." Barth again, spreading his wisdom for the entire league.

"Man, you have got to stop giving the blonde lady a breathalyzer while filing out your line-up card! I just went back and looked at an early Sports Page where some guy named B. Vince gave a Browns Conference Preview. The line on the Crushers went something like this: 'I know one owner who is not going to be coach of the year,' Ouch! - can we make that TWO? Well, come on in bunkie and find a seat if you can - it's pretty crowded down here!!" Bonecrushers GM Dave Bell, upon learning that B's owner Bryan Vince coached himself out of the playoffs with questionable lineup decisions.

"Actually, if I would have listened to her I would be playing this week. I got a big, 'I TOLD YOU SO!!' during halftime of the Chargers/Broncos. Just what every guy wants to hear from his wife, especially when he knows he just screwed himself out of a lot of money. Women!!” Vince's response.

"Well Vince, I should probably pile on all over you because if the roles were reversed I am sure you would do the same. However, due to the circumstances in which you lost and the way you are handling the loss, I will lay off of you for now. I will just press forward and BASH my next opponent in BARTH. I get as much joy out of pissing him off as I do you." Dayton Penatrators GM Dave Collins.

"Dayton Penis-trader, Welcome to another can of whoooooop-ASS. You're in the Jungle now baby." Barth's response to Collins.

Barth again, taking a shot at the unusually quiet Will Van Bibber, owner of Jester X.

CLICK HERE FOR BACK ISSUES OF THE SPORTS PAGE:

• Field of 16 is set as Erie Leaguers prepare to play for the cash (November 29, 2002)

• With one week to go in regular season, post-season options vary (November 22, 2002)

• More bad blood among owners as regular season winds down (November 15, 2002)

• Psychedelic B's hammer Omish, allow Vince to run his mouth again (November 8, 2002)

• Psychedelic B's, Team Bud have best records in league at 6-2 (November 1, 2002)

• Division races heating up in both conferences; smack talk continues (October 25, 2002)

• Revamped Vigilantes explode (October 18, 2002)

• Flurry of trades highlights annual cross-conference matchup week (Oct. 11, 2002)

• B's quiet Collins, Penatrators (Oct. 4, 2002)

• Vince, Roush rivalry heats up; newcomer Collins joins the mix (Sept. 27, 2002)

• Two weeks in, smack talk begins (Sept. 19, 2002)

• Four teams break century mark, two others top ninety in Week One (Sept. 12, 2002)

• Auctions completed, Erie League ready to roll (August 31, 2002)

• Erie League set to kick off 13th season (June 24, 2002)