The Sports Page        

Volume 10, Issue 14

The On-Line Newsletter of the Erie Fantasy Football League

Nov. 29, 2002
League History  

League Standings

Let the playoff games begin

Field of 16 is set as Erie Leaguers prepare to play for the cash

Now it gets serious.

Sixteen teams have qualified for the post-season, including each member of this year's rookie owner class. Here is a rundown of each of the first round matchups: Psychedelic B's vs. Dayton Penatrators; Team Bud vs. Atomic Punks; Masons vs. Titlebound Two; Midnight Vigilantes vs. LTP; The Godfather vs. Bonecrushers; Shadow Bandits vs. Intimidators; Cosmic Monsters vs. HowAboutALilBitAThat; Stonehenge vs. Horn-Headed Degenerates.

Psychedelic B's (Bryan Vince), 9-3

Dayton Penatrators (Dave Collins), 5-7
Vince's B's come into the playoffs with a conference-best 9-3 mark, having scored 1,114 points during the regular season, an average of 92.8 per game. Vince's all-time record now stands at 63-48 (.568), including a 6-5 post-season mark. Vince's squad has won four out of the last five. The Psychedelic B's were the 1996 Fantasy Bowl Champs. History: B's, 1-0 (111-71 in Week Four). Collins' Penatrators had to knock off Black Diamond and hope for all kinds of help to qualify for the post-season. They got it in the form of losses by both the Hostile Omish and Captain Tripps during Week 12. On the year, the Penatrators scored 1,066 points, an average of 88.8 per week during Collins' rookie campaign. Collins' squad has won two out of their last three.

Team Bud (Jody Barth), 8-4

Atomic Punks (Keith Kuratko), 6-6
Barth and Team Bud finished the year at 8-4, edging out the Midnight Vigilantes for the White Division title. They scored 1,029 points during the regular season, an average of 85.7 per game. Barth's all-time record now stands at 71-42 (.628), including a 7-6 post-season mark. Team Bud won just one of their final three contests. Barth won the 1997 Fantasy Bowl as owner of the Kardiac Kids. Kuratko's Punks slid to the seventh seed after two straight losses and four losses in five games to close out the season. On the year, the Punks scored 989 points, an average of 82.4 per week. Kuratko, the all-time wins leader in Erie League history, now boasts a career mark of 115-84 (.578), including a 14-12 post-season mark. Kuratko won the 1990 Fantasy Bowl as owner of the Punishers. History: Punks, 4-3 (Did not play in '02).

Masons (John Thiem), 7-5

Titlebound Two (Dougherty/Harney), 6-6
Thiem's Masons finished the year at 7-5, having scored 967 points during the regular season, an average of 80.6 per game. Thiem's all-time record now stands at 30-25 (.545), including a 3-4 post-season mark. Thiem's squad has won two out of their last three. J.P. Dougherty and Brett Harney's first year in the All-American Conference resulted in a 6-6 record, with 1,002 points scored (83.5 per game). The duo's all-time record now stands at 16-9 (.640), including an 0-1 post-season mark.  Titlebound lost their final two contests after having won three straight. History: Titlebound, 1-0 (72-69 in Week Nine).

Midnight Vigilantes (Kirk Pavelich), 8-4

LTP (Don Jones), 6-6
Pavelich's Vigilantes finished the year at 8-4, having scored a conference-best 1,174 points during the regular season, an average of 97.8 per game. Pavelich's all-time record now stands at 97-66 (.595), including a 13-7 post-season mark. Pavelich's club has won seven straight after starting the year 1-4. The Midnight Vigilantes were the 1995, 2000 and 2001 Fantasy Bowl Champs. History: Vigilantes, 4-3 (Did not play in '02). Jones and LTP finished the year at 6-6, having scored 1,014 points during the regular season, an average of 84.5 per game. Pavelich's all-time record now stands at 97-66 (.595), including a 13-7 post-season mark. LTP won their final two games, averaging 109.5 points in the process, to qualify. LTP won the Fantasy Bowl in 1997.

The Godfather (Doug Frank), 8-4

Bonecrushers (Dave Bell), 6-6
Frank and the Godfather come into the playoffs with a conference-best 8-4 mark during his inaugural Erie League campaign. His squad scored 1,167 points during the regular season, an average of 97.3 per game. The Godfather has won five straight after starting the year at 3-4. Last loss came in Week Seven to the Bonecrushers. Bell's Bonecrushers finished the year at 6-6, having scored 901 points during the regular season, an average of 75.1 per game. Bell's all-time record now stands at 99-93 (.516), including a 6-10 post-season mark. The Bonecrushers won three out of their last four to sneak into the final playoff spot. History: Bonecrushers, 1-0 (78-72 in Week Seven).

Shadow Bandits (Paul Labonte), 7-5

Intimidators (Steve Payne), 6-6
Labonte's Shadow Bandits finished the year at 7-5, having scored a conference-best 1,259 points during the regular season, an average of 104.9 per game. The astounding point production obliterated the previous high for points in a season (1,162 by the '99 Psychedelic B's). Labonte's all-time record now stands at 67-85 (.441), including a 2-5 post-season mark. The Bandits averaged 132.5 points in their last two wins. Payne and the Intimidators come into the playoffs with a 6-6 mark during his inaugural Erie League campaign. His squad scored 1,051 points during the regular season, an average of 87.6 per game. Payne's club dropped their final two games to drop to the seventh seed. History: This is the first meeting between the two clubs.

Cosmic Monsters (Brad Rzyczycki), 7-5

HowAboutALilBitAThat(Jason Gillespie), 6-6
Rzyczycki's first year in the Browns Conference resulted in a 7-5 record, with 994 points scored (82.8 per game). His all-time record now stands at 69-62 (.527), including a 7-7 post-season mark. Rzyczycki's squad has won two out of their last three. The Cosmic Monsters were Fantasy Bowl runners-up in 1994 and 1997. Gillespie's club finished the year at 6-6, having scored 1,058 points during the regular season, an average of 88.2 per game. His all-time record now stands at 24-16 (.600), including a 1-3 post-season mark. HowAbout lost two of their last three after having won five straight. History: HowAbout, 1-0 (Did not play in '02).

Stonehenge (Jamie Roush), 6-6

Horn-Headed Degenerates(Paul Tanski), 6-6
Roush's club finished the year at 6-6, having scored 1,140 points during the regular season, an average of 95.0 per game. His all-time record now stands at 14-13 (.519), including a 2-1 post-season mark. Stonehenge won their final two, averaging over 100 points in the process, to snag one of the final playoff spots. Tanski and the Degenerates come into the playoffs with a 6-6 mark during his inaugural Erie League campaign. His squad scored 912 points during the regular season, an average of 76.0 per game. After starting the year 5-1, Tanski's club dropped five of their final six to back into the playoffs. History: Degenerates, 1-0 (101-98 in Week Five).

Top Week Twelve performers were RB Priest Holmes (pictured left), who totaled 48 points for the Shadow Bandits and Dayton Penatrators. Holmes, the odds-on favorite to win the league's Regular Season MVP award, has scored 291 points on the year. WR Terrell Owens (pictured right) totaled 28 points for the Midnight Vigilantes and Stonehenge.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"Since my team SUCKS and will not make the playoffs, which is my own fault for not being at the draft, I would like to know when the banquet is going to be held and where. And I really, really hope everybody enjoyed piling on me this year, because when I am drafting my team in the future the domination will begin. And if they thought I was loud and obnoxious this year, wait until I have a team that backs me up on the field." An e-mail from Dayton Penatrators GM Dave Collins, before his squad rallied for the eighth and final playoff spot.

"Watching last night's game, I actually thought I might have a chance to make some noise with (Koy) Detmer at the helm. Then I watched as he suffered a dislocated elbow and once again, left my team in the hands of a Lion! Well...it was nice playing this year, but I don't see how I have a chance in hell of winning this game. With McNabb, maybe. But I'm starting Joey Harrington! I am so fucked! Good luck to Shadow Bandits in the second round." Intimidators owner Steve Payne, who has now watched as first string QB Donovan McNabb and second string Koy Detmer have both been lost to injury. Payne will now have to rely on Detroit signal-caller Joey Harrington if he hopes to upset the Erie League's all-time record holder in regular season points scored.

"Dogshit and Dead Fish - What the hell happened to you guys. I gotta carry your load again! Holy Shit, you know most of these guys are still wet behind the ears. Drop your cocks and grab your socks! Start paying attention, already. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up!" Bonecrushers GM Dave Bell, commenting on the fact that fellow geriatrics Sam Profio and Jim Damicone failed to qualify for the post-season.

"KING GERIATRIC HOLDS COURT. I guess that would make Mr. Long or should it be 'I came up SHORT' the court Jester. Drop their cocks?? They haven't seen those wrinkled old raisins since the 70s. You the man King.” Psychedelic B's owner Bryan Vince giving props to Bell and the Bonecrushers.

"MR. VINCE, How Ironic can life be? Left for dead in the cold with two weeks to go in the regular season, fate has bestowed on me an opportunity to knock your ass out of the playoffs. Nothing would give me greater joy, then to bring my sorry ass sub .500 ballclub into your stadium and LONG DICK you into submission. I know your dreams and aspirations are to advance far into the playoffs and maybe win a championship.....me? I just hope by FLUKE, LUCK, WISHFUL THINKING or whatever it takes for my SORRY ASS TEAM to beat you and your HIGHLY TOUTED inVINCEable B's. And with that LUCKY BREAK I receive, I would then more than likely score 50 pts the following week and be sent home, but not before I can present my gift to the rest of the league, to send you home early and not have to hear your quite LARGE PIEHOLE ..eeerrr...mouth until next year. But no worries your team is better than mine, you should win quite easily right?.........Just don't screw around man, you might have a bad week, think about your lineup REAL, REAL HARD. Because, what you have done to this point doesn't mean shit. By the way....My team SUCKS...You're the BEST.............I just don't stand a chance." Penatrators GM Dave Collins, attempting to get in the head of B's owner Bryan Vince.

"Trying to play head games with the King Player? Not going to work. The only Long Dick your gonna get is the same one you tasted in the regular season. Just make sure you have your translator in your back pocket after the game. Ball in your mouth and a slong in your eye makes for a bad post game comment." Vince's response to Collins.

"Uh..oh....You're behind early......Better get your dog's onion sack out of your face." Collins again, after his team jumped out to an early 26-0 Thanksgiving Day lead over Vince's B's.

"I'm sure your already rubbed one out to this HUGE score. You must be so excited with Brady's masterful 11 point performance. I really don't think it's a good sign when your QB is outscored by your defense. Oh, and Patten, what a brilliant effort. I believe by Sunday night, the only sack out is going to mine, resting gently on the tip of your nose. By the end of Monday night, Gannon will allow me to give you the best tea bagging you've ever received, even better than those hairless little Navy boys you are used to having. You better take a picture of the score now, it will comfort you while you watch the rest of the playoffs. Now have one of your boyfriends hand you a tissue!!" Vince again, reminding Collins that he has until the end of the Monday Night game to rally.

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