The Sports Page        

Volume 10, Issue 13

The On-Line Newsletter of the Erie Fantasy Football League

Nov. 22, 2002
League History  

League Standings

Playoff picture still not clear

With one week to go in regular season, post-season options vary

Other than the constant chatter ongoing between Titlebound Two co-owner Brett Harney and Gargoyles GM Storm Thomas, most Erie League owners were quiet this week as they tried to figure out what exactly has to happen to qualify for a spot in this year's playoffs.

In the All-American Conference's White Division, Kirk Pavelich (pictured right) and the Midnight Vigilantes knocked off Jody Barth and Team Bud, 118-93, leaving both teams tied with 7-4 marks. However, Barth's squad can clinch the division and the $50 bonus by defeating the Hostile Omish this week, regardless of how Pavelich's club fares against Titlebound Two, since Team Bud currently owns a one game lead in the divisional standings.

"This has been a fun year," said Pavelich, whose team now leads the points race in the All-American Conference with an average of 96.2 per week. "Six weeks ago, the team was struggling, somebody said I wasn't too bright for my trades, and it really looked kind of bleak. Sure is funny what a few deals can do for a squad."

"You're just a salesman, that's all you are," Barth said in a phone message to Pavelich prior to Sunday's games. "How you sold these other teams to make trades like you did I don't know how you did it. It was fun being on top while it lasted."

Despite a loss to Captain Tripps last week, the Psychedelic B's and their owner Bryan Vince (pictured left) still have the best record in the All-American Conference. Vince reminded Pavelich of this fact, one week after the Vigilantes owner challenged Vince to "throw some smack" his way.

"Now I see why you don't throw your hand in the smack ring to often," Vince said. "Listen Mr. Educator of our youth, I didn't say that I was going to throw SOME smack your way. I said that I was going to throw you A bitch smack.  You are correct though, you did beat me head to head this year. You have won six in a row, you are the hottest team going. I guess everyone should just stop submitting lineups. You are the team to beat, I mean, you already got DJ munching around your toosh."

Another item of interest entering Week 12 will be whether Paul Labonte (pictured right) and the Shadow Bandits can break the three-year-old record for most points in a season, set by Bryan Vince's Psychedelic B's back in 1999. Currently, Labonte's club has scored 1,111 points (101.0 per game), leaving him just 52 points shy of breaking Vince's record.

Two teams who have qualified for the playoffs will enter the post-season on a much more bleak note, thanks to the loss of QB Donovan McNabb (pictured left) to a season-ending broken ankle last week. Both Masons GM John Thiem and Intimidators owner Steve Payne were devastated upon learning the news.

"SHIT FUCK PISS DAMN BASTARD WHORE COCK," griped Thiem. "Thank you for allowing me to participate in the league this season gentlemen. Enjoy my money."

"SON OF A BITCH, SHITTY ASS FUCKING, COCKSUCKING INJURY!!" added Payne.

With one week to go, here are the current playoff possibilities:

All-American Conference (Top 8 teams qualify)

  1. Psychedelic B's (GM- Bryan Vince): 8-3, 93.8 points per game - Have already clinched division title. Can clinch conference's top seed with a win over the Atomic Punks. A loss to the Punks, and a win by either Team Bud or the Midnight Vigilantes would drop the B's into the number two spot based on head-to-head competition.

  2. Team Bud (GM- Jody Barth): 7-4, 85.7 points per game - A win over the Hostile Omish would clinch the division title and at least a number two seed. Could move up to the top seed if the Psychedelic B's lose to the Atomic Punks.

  3. Masons (GM- John Thiem): 7-4, 83.2 points per game - Have already clinched division title. Could end up with either a one, two or three seed.

  4. Midnight Vigilantes (GM- Kirk Pavelich): 7-4, 96.2 points per game - Can only win the division with a win over Titlebound Two and a loss by Team Bud to the Hostile Omish. If that happens, the Vigilantes could end up with either a one, two or three seed.

  5. Titlebound Two (GM- Brett Harney/JP Dougherty): 6-5, 82.4 points per game - Have the head-to-head tiebreaker over the Atomic Punks.

  6. Atomic Punks (GM- Keith Kuratko): 6-5, 86.0 points per game - Need a win over the Psychedelic B's and a loss by Titlebound Two to move up to the number five seed.

  7. LTP (GM- Don Jones): 5-6, 81.5 points per game - Have the head-to-head tiebreaker over Captain Tripps, the Gargoyles and the Dayton Penatrators.

  8. Hostile Omish (GM- Mike Kuratko): 5-6, 77.6 points per game - Have the head-to-head tiebreaker over the Gargoyles.

  9. Captain Tripps (GM- Matt Rzyczycki): 4-7, 71.6 points per game - Have the head-to-head tiebreaker over the Hostile Omish, the Gargoyles and the Dayton Penatrators. Could get into the playoffs with a win over LTP and a Hostile Omish loss to Team Bud.

  10. Dayton Penatrators (GM- Dave Collins): 4-7, 87.2 points per game - Have the head-to-head tiebreaker over the Gargoyles. Needs a win over Black Diamond and a loss by both the Hostile Omish and Captain Tripps.

  11. Gargoyles (GM- Storm Thomas): 4-7, 64.5 points per game - Mathematically eliminated from playoffs based on head-to-head losses to both LTP and the Hostile Omish.

  12. Black Diamond (GM- Joe Nunney): 3-8, 88.5 points per game - Mathematically eliminated from playoffs based on record. Could someone please explain how Black Diamond could carry Marshall Faulk two straight years and not qualify for the playoffs either season?

Browns Conference (Top 8 teams qualify)

  1. The Godfather (GM- Doug Frank): 7-4, 96.4 points per game - Have already clinched division by virtue of head-to-head wins over the Intimidators and a better divisional record than the Horn-Headed Degenerates. Can clinch the division and the conference's top seed with a win over the Donikers.

  2. Shadow Bandits (GM- Paul Labonte): 6-5, 101.0 points per game - Can clinch top seed with a win over the Long Shots and a loss by the Godfathers.

  3. Cosmic Monsters (GM- Brad Rzyczycki): 6-5, 83.5 points per game - Have already clinched division title. Could move as high as the number two seed if the Shadow Bandits lose.

  4. HowAboutALilBitAThat!!! (GM- Jason Gillespie): 6-5, 90.9 points per game - Have the head-to-head tiebreaker over the Intimidators. Could still win the division with a win over the Bonecrushers and a Shadow Bandit loss.

  5. Intimidators (GM- Steve Payne): 6-5, 87.6 points per game - Have the head-to-head tiebreaker over the Horn-Headed Degenerates but the two play for a second time this week.

  6. Horn-Headed Degenerates (GM- Paul Tanski): 6-5, 74.8 points per game - Can move ahead of the Intimidators with a win this week. Have the head-to-head tiebreaker over Stonehenge.

  7. Stonehenge (GM- Jamie Roush): 5-6, 94.5 points per game - Have head-to-head tiebreaker over Jester X and the King Salmons, although game two with the Salmons is this week.

  8. Donikers-DTL (GM- Sam Profio): 5-6, 83.8 points per game - Have head-to-head tiebreaker over Long Shots, Bonecrushers and Jester X. Huge game with the Godfather this week.

  9. Long Shots (GM- Bill Long): 5-6, 83.6 points per game - Have head-to-head tiebreaker over Bonecrushers and King Salmons. Huge game with Shadow Bandits this week.

  10. Bonecrushers (GM- Dave Bell): 5-6, 76.4 points per game - Have head-to-head tiebreaker over Jester X and King Salmons. Huge game with HowAboutALilBitAThat this week.

  11. King Salmons (GM- Jim Damicone): 5-6, 75.5 points per game - Split with Jester X. If both are tied after this week, Jester X would move ahead based on total points. Huge game with Stonehenge this week.

  12. Jester X (GM- Will Van Bibber): 4-7, 79.8 points per game - Mathematically eliminated based on head-to-head losses to Stonehenge, Donikers-DTL and Bonecrushers.

Top Week Eleven performers were WR Hines Ward (pictured left), who totaled 30 points for Titlebound Two and the King Salmons. WR Terrell Owens (pictured right) totaled 29 points for the Midnight Vigilantes and Stonehenge.

To get your own smack talk printed on The Sports Page, either send an e-mail to the commissioner (KPAVELICH@neo.rr.com) or do it yourself on the league's message board. Go to http://fflnet2.myfantasyleague.com/fflnet2002/home/80682, scroll down until you see the buttons for links and team names, click the button for message board on the left, click the button for your team name on the right, enter your password and you're there.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"I'm at my wits end, totally flabbergasted. How is it that I have the third highest scoring team in the conference but yet have the worst record in the conference?  I hereby announce to the entire league that next Sunday will mark the final time that Black Diamond will take the field. To most, this will come as welcomed news, for others, this will be disappointing as they won't be able to kick Black Diamond's ass anymore. To borrow a phrase from Richard Nixon (1962), 'You won't have Black Diamond to kick around anymore.'" Black Diamond GM Joe Nunney commenting after a frustrating 73-66 loss to the Gargoyles, a defeat that knocked Nunney's club from the playoff picture.

"That's why you're the GM of the year. You start a new guy and 10 minutes later you have 13 points." LTP owner Don Jones' message on Midnight Vigilantes GM Kirk Pavelich's voice mail. Jones and Pavelich had just been discussing why Pavelich was playing newcomer Chad Johnson as a third receiver this week. Five minutes into the game, Johnson caught a 70-yard touchdown pass.

"Pav, this weekend is huge! NO, not the FFL Division Championship. Ohio State Buckeyes #2 in the nation playing that team to the west. Where is my bitch? JESTER X, JESTER X, JESTER X, Last year it was my ass, this year it will be the FULL-MONTE. We have not heard from your sorry ass all year. I will talk to your ass next week." Team Bud GM Jody Barth, attempting to engage the Erie League's biggest Michigan fan, Jester X owner Will Van Bibber, in some trash talking before this weekend's huge Buckeye-Wolverine matchup.

"Having no class is subjective; being a deadbeat is reality.” Titlebound Two co-owner Brett Harney in an e-mail to Gargoyles GM Storm Thomas.

"Your word is not worth anything Harney. I had an agreement with you in good faith and once you realized that you were going to lose you changed your mind. Being a 'deadbeat' according to your definition may be a reality but at least when people deal with me they know what to expect. You are shifty Harney. You should be the first one in line to audition for the sequel to the movie Jackass. I know what the agreement was ... you won't admit what it was and that pisses me off. It isn't the money it is the principal. If Pav wasn't running this thing I wouldn't pay anything just to stick you with paying for the team as originally agreed. Frankly, you are a weasel who doesn't exist to me anymore." Thomas' response.

"Help me out. Is this guy for real? Of course there was an agreement - the same type of agreement that Thomas had to pay you the franchise fee for the league. Oh, that's different I forgot - it's Storm - the rules should be bent. Pav, my check is in the mail - next year, let's make a rule that if you can't your sorry ass to the draft you don't play or if you don't pay up front you don't play.   Either way this will eliminate Storm and alleviate the level of competency within the league. As for me not existing - Storm, as far as you are concerned to me you never have. Just some guy that took a bad picture for Pav's web site. Next year, why don't you dial-a-friend in Orange county and form your own league. From what I see at the drafts and banquets, I truly think you have worn out your welcome with Pav and his boys. As Adrian's brother, Paulie once said "I done with you." Harney's response.

"Maybe a new rule needs to  be submitted at years end. 'If you can't get your ass to the draft, then find a new freaken league.' I'm sick of hearing certain individuals, who routinely suck ass every year, bitch about the guys drafting there teams. Don't kid yourself, you wouldn't suck any less if you were actually present. Show up or shut up." Psychedelic B's GM Bryan Vince offers his opinion on the subject.

"I personally want to be known as the owner who drove Storm out of the league. Can I get a certificate for this? Even if we don't win it all - the season has been a success!" Harney again, making a final statement on the subject.

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