The Sports Page        

Volume 10, Issue 10 

The On-Line Newsletter of the Erie Fantasy Football League

Nov. 1, 2002
League History  

League Standings

Last week of non-division games

Psychedelic B's, Team Bud have best records in league at 6-2

One week after being characterized as a "gay cop" by Titlebound Two co-owner J.P. Dougherty, Bryan Vince guided his Psychedelic B's to a 103-80 victory over Black Diamond, improving his team's record to a league best 6-2. After the win, Vince (pictured right) took the time to first crack on Black Diamond GM Joe Nunney.

"Ouch, that must have stung, "Vince said. "I could see him working though. Joe is one to choose his words wisely. He doesn't want to end up like Lil' Davie (Collins) trying to constantly get his feet out of his pile hole. I rip on you week after week and you say to yourself, 'relax Joe, you'll get his big mouth in Week 8.' Another week goes by, another week of smack by me, and it starts to get to you, 'That fucken Vince, I'm glad I made his stupid ass run into that mailbox, causing him to get stitches.' Finally, it's almost unbearable, you say, 'Note to self, kick the stupid dog when you get home. Damn, second note to self, Can't kick dog, live by myself.'  Finally, week 8 arrives, you can almost taste victory. 103-80!! Shit!!! But I guess it's not the most demeaning moment in your life. You still are known as the only person in organized baseball to get traded before an All Star game."

Feeling as though he was on somewhat of a role, Vince then found it to be an excellent opportunity to respond to last week's comments by J.P. Dougherty. CLICK TO SEE LAST WEEK'S COMMENTS.

"I'm a gay cop because I have an infatuation with gay smack," Vince said. "Let's see, who have I ripped on and what was the topic?"

"And then there's you two sissy boys," he added. "Let's see. You girls are the only dual owners in the league, you were caught playing footsie at the league draft (how else do you explain picking those two lame teams) and you give that monthly seminar, 'Gerbals or Hamsters--What size tube do I use?' What am I supposed to think?"

Titlebound Two co-owner Brett Harney, who drew the Macedonia cop's wrath last week for e-mailing his wife, said he was just trying to mix things up.

"The thing about Vince is his shit does get old after a while," Harney said. "You can say someone is a cocksucker only so many times. I figured I would just throw in another dynamic. Bad thing is I go straight through Macedonia to work every day."

With the apparent increase in bad blood among owners, an AP story began circulating in the Norwalk area on the issue. CLICK HERE TO SEE "BAD BLOOD" AP STORY.

Jody Barth (pictured left), whose Team Bud squad ended a two game losing streak by annihilating the Dayton Penatrators, 104-68, took the time to respond to pre-game comments made by Penatrators GM Dave Collins.

"Memo to the Dayton Penetrators and Dave Collins: What in the hell are you doing?" Barth said. "First the AP column on me wearing a shirt that attracts women -- I do enjoy reading good smack. Your Column was not funny. Really, I do not mind owners getting a good laugh at my expense. I read the column and never even broke a smile. It was the stupidest fucking thing I have ever read. We are all now dumber because of it. About being a fat ass -- I have lost 45lbs., I am benching 300lbs. and running 3.5 miles a day. The reason I am telling you this is because if you ever quote me again without even speaking to me you will be drinking a beer or a shot through a fucking straw at the banquet. About the cooling off period -Do us all a favor and stay off the fucking computer."

In other news, the trading deadline came and went and the only move made prior to it was the trade of RB Corey Dillon from the Bonecrushers to the King Salmons for WR Torry Holt.

Top Week Eight performers were RB Deuce McAllister (pictured left), who totaled 34 points for Team Bud and the Long Shots and QB Michael Vick (pictured right) who had 30 points for Team Bud and the Cosmic Monsters.

To get your own smack talk printed on The Sports Page, either send an e-mail to the commissioner (KPAVELICH@neo.rr.com) or do it yourself on the league's message board. Go to http://fflnet2.myfantasyleague.com/fflnet2002/home/80682, scroll down until you see the buttons for links and team names, click the button for message board on the left, click the button for your team name on the right, enter your password and you're there.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"Memo to all owners: I hope that the Erie League owners are not taking the 'smack' serious. If you are, come down to my Police Department in the east suburbs of Cleveland for a ride along. Shit! we do not have ride alongs because our insurance will not cover your expenses if you're killed. THAT'S SERIOUS!." Team Bud GM Jody Barth responding to recent reports that smack talk has been infuriating certain Erie League owners.

"Van Selleck, didn't Higgins warn you that wearing those white nut-hugging shorts day after day could cause you to be sterile?" Vince, taking one of his weekly shots at Tom Selleck clone Will Van Bibber.

"Who the fuck is Higgins?" Commissioner Kirk Pavelich.

"Guys, I know that we are in a rhythm with transactions on Thursday nights, but with Halloween on Thursday night and having a kid I am changing call-ins THIS WEEK ONLY.” An e-mail from Jamie Roush to the Browns Conference owners.

"Jamie, I can handle it. Save me some candy. Are you wearing the usual for Halloween, a dress?" Donikers-DTL GM Sam Profio's response.

"Tammy, You, me, Viagra, 7:30. Yeah baby!" An e-mail from Sam Profio to Tammy Vince.

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