The Sports Page        

Volume 9, Issue 7         The On-Line Newsletter of the Erie Fantasy Football League         Oct. 29, 2001

Start of second half not kind to Jones and LTP

Thomas and the Gargoyles pull upset, end winning streak at six

Don Jones found out quickly that the second half of the season is going to be a dogfight as the Gargoyles handed LTP their first loss, 100-52. LTP had become the first team to start the year 6-0 since Bryan Vince's Psychedelic B's, a club that finished 13-2. As expected, it didn't take Gargoyles GM Storm Thomas long to comment on the game. 

"I am not trying to fool anyone, I don't have a good team," said Thomas (pictured right). "This weekend, we came up with a big victory against an average club of overachievers that had everyone fooled by the hype. Too bad a season that started as a fairy tale will end in dire straits. Actually, the story of his season would make a great movie. I can see the title now, 'When luck turns the other cheek: The fall of DJ and LTP'"

Psychedelic B's owner Bryan Vince, whose team now stands at 4-3 after this week's loss to Jim Damicone's King Salmons, said he believes LTP will eventually falter because of Jones' reluctance to run smack with the rest of the league.

"PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DJ. Say it ain't so," Vince said. "I thought it was bad enough reading you and Deuce's pathetic prelude to your fantasy matchup. You know, the infamous 'Hide the Sausage' game? [Click here to read the Preview for the "Hide the Sausage Game"]

"Now you're coming with this, 'I'm only an injury away' shit," Vince added. "Do me and everyone else a favor - let Tyler write your quotes, they gotta have a little more bite. I've been noticing the weight loss but I didn't know you had your nuts whacked to lose it."

In the Browns Conference, the Gibby's came out on top in the showdown of 5-1 teams as Jason Gillespie's squad defeated J.P. Dougherty and Brett Harney's Titlebound Two club 110-86.

High scoring team in either league is going to be the up and down Atomic Punks (5-2). Keith Kuratko's group has the new high water mark of the year after blasting Matt Rzyczycki and Captain Tripps 123-86. The output, coming on the heels of last week's 52 point performance, should prepare the Punks for a battle with Kirk Pavelich's Midnight Vigilantes in Week 9. The Vigilantes (5-2) are coming off a 104-58 thumping of Steve Suder's winless PP Brains. 

Despite playing without a quarterback as both Michael Vick and Brett Favre were off on bye, Jody Barth and his Blockheads still pulled out an overtime win by defeating John Thiem and the Masons 99-97. The difference in this contest was Barth's reserve of Peter Warrick (5 points) outscoring Chris Weinke (3 points). Please remember to keep sending these reserves in as there have now been two OT games in the past three weeks!

Lardass GM Will Van Bibber (pictured below left) took the opportunity to take a shot at the 2-5 Blockheads and respond to an earlier comment in the Sports Page (click here to see Quotes of the Week in Sports Page #3) where Barth had blasted Columbus resident Van Bibber for bad mouthing the Buckeyes.

"Go ahead and make fun of me for being a Michigan fan," Van Bibber said. "When it all comes down to it, I hope that you will eat shit when they beat the hell out of Ohio State. And this one will probably burn you, I am an Ohio State Graduate student. Oh, and by the way your team really sucks. In the other league that I am in the consolation Championship Game is for the Toilet Bowl Award and you know what your team is not even worthy of that type of an award. That would mean that you would have to actually win a game or two. The only type of award you might win is the "Shittiest Coach Award" for drafting such a terrible team."

Two other teams that have quietly rolled to division leads have been Mike Szydlowski's Polish Monarchs and Jamie Roush's Stonehenge club. Despite having his heart in his throat when Edgerrin James left Thursday's game with a knee injury, Szydlowski improved to 6-1 and remained a game ahead of the Vigilantes with their 84-57 drubbing of Joe Nunney's Black Diamond. Roush's Stonehenge club was the high scoring team from the Browns Conference after their 112-52 win over John Blust and the Dirty Pigs. Stonehenge stands at 5-2 and maintains a one-game lead over both Lardass and the King Salmons in the Groza Division.

Even though Jim Damicone's King Salmons came away with an impressive 71-46 win over Bryan Vince's Psychedelic B's, Titlebound Two co-owner J.P. Dougherty still thinks the Salmons are far from being considered a contender.

"It seems my friend at King Salomans is under the misconception that he has a good team," Dougherty said. "At 3-3 he is barely in the playoff hunt, basically clinging to survival. T-bound is 5-2, looking to run the table all the way to the championship. As we now welcome Kurt Warner to the party, we are feeling that much stronger about this team. King Salomons asks that we remain in his conference. I welcome it and say thanks to King Salomons, the doormat of the Browns Conference!"

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"Check the status of Trung Canidate. I would think he is on someone's team. (Jim) Damicone also tried to pick up Tom Brady tonight despite the fact that he is already on a team, but I snuffed that one out like a Taliban foot soldier." Browns Conference Commissioner Joe Nunney in an e-mail to All-American Conference Commissioner Kirk Pavelich.

"I guess it's kinda hard to talk smack with the way my team is playing, so I am going to take a hiatus from this part of my game! Yeah right, unlike some of you so called smack talkers (Barth and others) I keep it going.  My team will rebound and I will keep ripping whoever needs smacked." Psychedelic B's GM Bryan Vince assuring the rest of the league that he will continue talking trash, even if his club continues to falter.

"I want to declare that LTP is the favorite to represent the All-American Conference in the Fantasy Bowl this year." Atomic Punks owner Keith Kuratko attempting to pull off the fabled tradition of placing a jinx on a fellow fantasy participant.

"Donikers, you are really not giving me a lot to work with. Your "A" game is definitely not the smack running part, but I guess there isn't a camp for that. I told you, bring you and your 'scary talented' team to the conference finals and then I will gladly take your disability check. Are your panties, oops, Depends getting in a bunch all over me?  I don't know if a can handle that. Oh, now I feel tears welling up. Someone pass me a tissue." B's GM Vince responding to Donikers-DTL owner Sam Profio's comment from a week ago in which Profio said: "I like people with a sense of humor, but I have made an exception in your case."

"I don't see myself making any trades with anyone, as no one really trusts me and all they want to do is fuck me up the ass - without the common courtesy of even using any lube." Atomic Punks owner Keith Kuratko commenting on his inability to make a trade with his new colleagues in the All-American Conference.

Click here to read the owner profile story on BRYAN VINCE

Click here to read the owner profile story on JASON GILLESPIE

Click here to read the owner profile story on JOHN THIEM

Click here to read the owner profile story on JOE NUNNEY

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