The Sports Page        

Volume 9, Issue 13         The On-Line Newsletter of the Erie Fantasy Football League              Dec. 11, 2001

Conference semi-finals are set

Eight teams remain in the race for the 2001 Erie League title

All-American top-seed LTP advanced to the conference semi-finals by virtue of their 78-59 victory over the Cosmic Monsters. Don Jones (pictured right) and his 12-1 club will face the fifth-seeded Masons, the lowest remaining seed that advanced to the second round. Coming out of the game, Jones' squad looks even more dangerous, considering they were able to win despite poor games from both LaDainian Tomlinson (6 points) and Shaun Alexander (2 points). LTP was led by QB Rich Gannon's 20 points and the Philadelphia defense, which netted 15.

"Sometimes the whole key to winning this thing is how much luck you have on your side," said Commissioner Kirk Pavelich, also the GM of the Midnight Vigilantes. "LTP has had a great year but now you see they have the luck factor as well. Not only do they win despite the running backs scoring just eight points, but they advance to round two because they never had to play Black Diamond. Congrats to D.J. on bringing home another title."

Heading into the Sunday Night contest, the Midnight Vigilantes -- the conference two seed -- held a 10 point lead on Captain Tripps. However, TE Desmond Clark and the Denver defense both played well in the ESPN game, forcing Vigilantes owner Kirk Pavelich to watch every second with a calculator in hand. Thanks to eight points from PK Jason Elam, the Vigilantes were able to hold off the charge and eliminate Captain Tripps, 92-91. Once again, the New Orleans connection of QB Aaron Brooks (17 points) and WR Joe Horn (19 points) helped the Vigilantes break the 90-point barrier for the eighth time this season.

The Blockheads defeated the Polish Monarchs 67-59 and will advance to the conference semi-finals to battle the Midnight Vigilantes. Mike Szydlowski's Monarchs had a chance to pull out a victory on Monday night, provided Marvin Harrison, Dominic Rhodes, and Oronde Gadsden could score at least 32 points. However, it wasn't to be as the trio could manage just 24 points combined. The win was the seventh straight for Jody Barth and the Blockheads.

The fifth seeded Masons finished off the fourth seeded Atomic Punks, winning 117-88. Six of the players on John Thiem's squad scored in double digits, led by newly-acquired QB Todd Bouman, who totaled 31. The Masons will advance to round two to face top seeded LTP.

One of the greatest upsets of all time took place in the Browns Conference, as the eighth seeded Shadow Bandits knocked off top seed Titlebound Two, 85-83. Labonte (pictured left), who jumped out in front thanks to a monster day from RB Priest Holmes (38 points), were able to hold a 15 point Monday night lead when WR Marvin Harrison and PK Olindo Mare were able to combine for just 13 points for Titlebound. The Shadow Bandits will advance to play the highest remaining seed, which turns out to be Sam Profio and the fourth seeded Donikers-DTL.

In addition to Titlebound's loss, the other two division winners in the Browns Conference also dropped their first round contests. Stonehenge, on the strength of 34 Monday night points from QB Jay Fiedler and RB Lamar Smith, upset the second-seeded Lardass club, 78-56. Jamie Roush's club, the seventh seed, will play Jim Damicone (pictured right) and the King Salmons, the number six seed.

Damicone's King Salmons upset Bryan Vince's Psychedelic Bs, 73-69. Vince was hoping that RB Terrell Davis could make up the 14 point deficit during the Sunday night ESPN contest. However, TD could only manage 10 points. As anyone who watched the game knows, Vince had to be pulling his hair out in the third quarter when Davis scampered for a 57-yard run but didn't have enough gas to score what would have been the winning touchdown for the B's.

Sam Profio and the Donikers advanced to the next round by knocking off the Gibby's, 91-73. Five players -- QB Alex Van Pelt, RB Marshall Faulk, WR Keyshawn Johnson, WR Keenan McCardell, and the Saints defense -- scored in double digits for Profio's club.

Also this week, you will find a bonus game at the bottom of the recap column. This all came about when Black Diamond GM Joe Nunney sent the following note to the commissioner's office: "I WANT JONES . . . in a fictitious first round matchup had I made the playoffs. Can we make it happen?"

LTP owner Don Jones immediately responded to the challenge: "So it be written, so it be done! It is nice that everyone wants a shot at the big time! Joe should have a nice team, he wasn't under the pressure of drafting his own team, he was drafting for Vince. Everyone would have dealt with him differently if they thought he was drafting his own team."

 The two owners were playing for adult beverages at this year's awards banquet, now set for Saturday, January 12th at Twin City Pub and Grille in Twinsburg, starting at 6:30 p.m.

Nunney (pictured left), on the strength of 15 Monday night points from WR Chris Chambers, knocked off Jones and LTP in the could-of, should-of Bowl, 87-78. Now the Black Diamond GM wants to take the challenge a step further.

"I want to play LTP's next playoff opponent in another grudge," Nunney said. "I am on a mission to become the uncrowned champion of the EFFL. That might be the only way I'll ever get there."

Four teams are still in the race for the Consolation Championship and a check for $75. Nunney's Black Diamond will face Storm Thomas and the Gargoyles while Dave Bell and the Bonecrushers while take on Mike Kuratko's Hostile Omish. Black Diamond ended the dismal season for Steve Suder by drilling the P.P. Brains, 87-44, while the Gargoyles knocked off the Rat Bastards, 88-43. In the Browns Conference, the hard luck Bonecrushers again scored over 90 points in defeating the Long Shots, 97-83, while the Omish avenged two earlier losses to the Dirty Pigs by hammering John Blust's squad, 93-71. The two conference winners will play next week for the Toilet Bowl title and the cash.

2001 Fantasy Bowl Tournament

All-American Conference Browns Conference
#1 LTP (12-1, 1,155 points) vs. #5 Masons (8-5, 1,170 points) #4 Donikers-DTL (8-5, 1,122 points) vs. #8 Shadow Bandits (6-7, 1,013 points)
#2 Midnight Vigilantes (9-4, 1,205 points) vs. #3 Blockheads (8-5, 1,016 points) #6 King Salmons (8-5, 927 points) vs. #7 Stonehenge (7-6, 989 points)

2001 Consolation Bowl Tournament

All-American Conference Browns Conference
#1 Black Diamond (6-7, 997 points)

vs. #2 Gargoyles (5-8, 897 points)

 #3 Hostile Omish (5-8, 910 points)

vs. #4 Bonecrushers (4-9, 1,115 points)

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"I shouldn't even be in the playoffs, losing to that fucking guy twice. I'm embarrassed." Captain Tripps GM Matt Rzyczycki, commenting before the start of the post-season that his 5-8 Captain Tripps squad didn't deserve to qualify since they lost to Steve Suder's 2-10 P.P. Brains twice. Rzyczycki's club gave the two-seeded Midnight Vigilantes all they could handle, before bowing out 92-91.

"Can you start giving out the Scott Keithley award for the team that scores the least amount of points? Maybe we could make that owner pay $20." Cosmic Monsters owner Brad Rzyczycki, making the first suggestion for 2002 rule changes while taking a shot at Rat Bastards GM Scott Keithley.

"You freaken' bastard. My team is on fire, averaging 98.1 points during my current four game winning streak and all you can talk about is my smack. I know I'm the smack daddy but give my team some freaken' credit. In Volume 9, Issue 8 of the Sports Page you wrote 'Considering my team's recent play on the field, that award (king of smack) looks to be the only honor Vince's squad will be in line for come season's end.' You fucker, you can kick me when I'm down but give me no props when I rebound. I make this stupid league amusing and you shit on me." Psychedelic B's GM Bryan Vince, doing some pre-playoff venting in an e-mail to commissioner Kirk Pavelich. Vince was apparently upset that the only credit he received in last week's Sports Page was for his unique ability to talk trash, not for the recent play of his team. 

"Well, Mr. #6 seed, prepare to have your Buckeye card using, wrinkled ass handed to you." Vince again, with his pre-game comments for opponent King Salmons and their owner Jim Damicone. As predicted in Volume 9, Issue 8, Vince's only honor this year appears to be King of Smack, after his B's failed to show up in a 73-69 loss to Damicone's club.

"Sorry Vince. I guess I didn't notice you had averaged 98.1 points over the last four weeks. It sort of paled in comparison to the Midnight Vigilantes averaging 107.5 over the same stretch." Commissioner Kirk Pavelich, also the owner of the Midnight Vigilantes, responding to the above comments.

Click here to read the feature story -- ERIE OWNERS FIRE PARTING SHOTS

Click here to read the owner profile story on KEITH KURATKO

Click here to read the feature story on THE EVOLUTION OF SMACK TALKING

Click here to read the owner profile story on STORM THOMAS

Click here to read the owner profile story on JODY BARTH

Click here to read the owner profile story on BRYAN VINCE

Click here to read the owner profile story on JASON GILLESPIE

Click here to read the owner profile story on JOHN THIEM

Click here to read the owner profile story on JOE NUNNEY

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