The Sports Page        

Volume 11, Issue 10         The On-Line Newsletter of the Erie Fantasy Football League         December 13, 2003

Conference finals are now set

Four teams still fighting for distinction as Erie League champ

Keith Kuratko - Guest Prognosticator

First of all, I just want to state that these and all of the preceding
game previews were for entertainment purposes only and if anyone took my opinions or suggestions seriously, then you didn't deserve to win your games anyway. So DJ, whether you changed your starting lineup last week (wk. 14) from the previous week (wk. 13) because of what I wrote, all I have to say to you is, What the hell were you thinking? No, seriously. My team was 3-9 this year. The last person you should get your lineup suggestions from was me. Granted, I did have a higher efficiency rating than you did this year, but when the person drafting your team leaves $26 on the table, you really don't have too many choices on who to start week in and week out. Speaking of leaving money on the table, I believe Kirk asked Sam to write up a couple of previews for that other conference but Sam was too busy taking that remedial math class so when the draft rolls around next summer, he will know that when you fill your roster up with a bunch of $1 players and have $26 left to spend, more than likely you didn't have a good draft nor will that team be any good. Last week, I was 2-0 against the spread and 2-0 straight up bringing my playoff preview records to 4-2 straight up and 5-1 against the spread. Well, my team lost in the toilet bowl playoffs but my prediction for the Toilet Bowl Championship if you want to call it a championship is Donikers over Capt. Tripps by 25.  On to the Conference Championship Previews.

ALL-AMERICAN CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP

#6 Psychedelic Bs vs. #1 Midnight Vigilantes (-16.8)
     First of all, let me just say no disrespect to the Psychedelic B's, but I know that the Vigilantes are glad that they aren't facing the Hostile Omish this week. The B's are a formidable team, but let's be realistic, this will be a blowout. With most of the B's starting lineup playing during the 1 o'clock games, the B's will have an early lead but this game will be over by the time the 4 o'clock games are done. These two teams didn't meet during the regular season.
     The Vigilantes are 12-2 this year scoring 1419.75 points, averaging 101.4 per game, and are on a six game win streak. To get to this game they beat #8 seed Hard Attack in the 1st round 112.25 - 63. In the 2nd round, they won a close one against the No Limit Ballers 105.25 - 94.75. Over the last 5 weeks, they have scored 520.9 points for an average of 104.18. The Vigilantes lineup will remain practically intact with the only question being who to start at QB. The choices are Brad Johnson vs. the Houston Texans, Donovan McNabb vs. the tough Miami D, and Chad Pennington vs. the weak pass D of the Pittsburgh Steelers. My choice is Pennington who is averaging 20.1 over the last 6 weeks. With Green, averaging 19.3/game the last 6, going against the San Diego Chargers and Holmes, averaging 22.6/game the last 5, playing against Detroit, the Vigilantes have the edge. At WR, the Vigilantes will go with Harrison, 9.4/game the last 6, against Atlanta, Rod Smith, 9.7/game the last 6, against Cleveland, and Steve Smith, 10.7/game the last 6, against the dreadful Arizona D, the Vigilantes will have the edge at this position also. The Vigilantes have a tough D in Baltimore but the way the Bs D of St. Louis have been playing lately, I have to give the edge to the B's.
     Speaking of the B's, they come into this conference championship game with a 2 game win streak and an 8-6 record, scoring 1184.10 total points for a 84.6 points per game average. Over the last 5 weeks, their record is 4-1 while scoring 493.35 points for a 98.67 average. They got to this game by beating they heavily favored #3 seed the Hostile Omish in round 1 by a score of 137.7 - 116.8 and then luckily beating the #5 seed LTP in the 2nd round 82.8 - 79.4 by having his defense of St. Louis scoring on an interception return for a touchdown on Monday Night Football against that woeful Browns offense. It's safe to assume that the B's will be starting Peyton Manning at QB this week. Manning has been averaging 20.4 pts/game the past 6 weeks and going up against a woeful Atlanta pass defense this week, I have to give the QB edge to the B's. With the return of Marshall Faulk to 100% a few weeks ago and the trade for Shaun Alexander, the B's have a pair of very good running backs. Their respected teams meet this week in St. Louis where we all know that Seattle can't play on the road so expect a big game out of Faulk and a mediocre game out of Alexander. As for the wide receivers, Jimmy Smith, averaging 10/game the last 6 weeks, has become a favorite target of rookie QB Byron Leftwich but they have a tough game this week in the cold weather and against a very tough defense in New England. With Kerry Collins out for this weekend, Amani Toomer, averaging 8.5/game the last 6 games, is going to have a tough game against New Orleans.  Peerless Price, averaging 6.5/game the last 6 games, has QB Michael Vick back for the second straight game and even though their timing might be off, I expect Price to have a decent game this week against the Colts. As I mentioned earlier, the way St. Louis' D has been playing lately, I have to give the edge to the B's.
     In conclusion, I have to say that the Psychedelic B's luck will run out this week as the Midnight Vigilantes will crush the Bs on their way to a fourth Fantasy Bowl appearance. Take the Vigilantes straight up and give up the points as they will beat the B's by 25 points.

THE OTHER CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP

#5 Gridiron Gods (-0.4) vs. #1 Stonehenge
     Number one seed Stonehenge comes into this game as a 0.4 point underdog to the #5 seed Gridiron Gods as these teams seem to be evenly matched. Stonehenge is 12 - 2 on the year and is on a 2 game winning streak while scoring 1290.7 points for a 92.2 points per game average. The last 5 weeks they are 4 - 1 with 490.6 points scored for a 98.12 average per game. They got to this point by beating the 8th seed the Deerslayers 85 - 47.1 in the 1st round and then beating the #7 seed Cosmic Monsters in the second round 133.4 - 91.15. The Gridiron Gods enter this game with a 9 - 5 record and a 3 game winning streak. They have scored 1295.70 points for a 92.5 points per game average. Over the last 5 weeks their record is 4-1 with 536.9 points scored and a 107.38 points per game average. Don't get too close as you might get burned because this team is on fire. Anyway, they got to this point by narrowly
beating the 4th seed the Godfather in round 1 127.2 - 123.35 and then beating up, chewing up, eating up and then shitting out the Bonecrushers in round 2 by a score of 120.7 - 57.7.  I might not make the regular playoffs Bonecrushers, but at least I would field a competitive team.
     Anyway, going off of last weeks starting lineups, Gridiron Gods have an edge at QB as Culpepper (27.9/last 6 games) goes against the Bears this week though they are playing on grass and outdoors in cold Chicago. Stonehenge goes with McNabb (21.8/last 6 games) against the tough Miami defense. Stonehenge has big advantage at RB as Holmes (22.6/last 5 games) goes against woeful Detroit and Jamal Lewis (17/last 6 games) faces the team impersonating the Oakland Raiders. Gridiron Gods counters with Fred Taylor (15.3/last 6 games) against a tough Pats D in the cold weather and either Wheatley (13.2/last 6 games) vs. Baltimore, Bettis (13.2/last 6 games) vs. NYJ, or Martin (11.9/last 6 games) vs. Pittsburgh. For his sake, let's hope he picks the right one. While Stonehenge has the advantage at RB, Gridiron has the advantage at WR. Gridiron will start the MossMan, Randy Moss
(14.8/last 6 games) @ CHI, David Boston (10.9/last 6 games) vs. Green Bay, and Steve Smith (10.7/last 6 games) @ Arizona.  Stonehenge will go with Peter Warrick (11.1/last 6 games) vs. San Fran, Plaxico Burress (6.7/last 6 games) @ NYJ, and I'm guessing Quincy Morgan (7.4/last 6 games) @ DEN. With those receivers, how the hell did he only lose 2 games this year? Are you kidding me?
     I haven't followed the other conference at all this year and Kirk asked if I would write something about this game so I have and looking at both rosters, to be totally honest with you, I don't know who to choose. And while I am being honest, let's also be serious, it doesn't matter who really wins this game because by comparing the rosters of the four remaining teams it is obvious that whichever team emerges from the All-American Conference is going to have a cake walk in the Fantasy Bowl. It's kind of like in the NBA. The past couple of years, the analysts have been saying that the real NBA Championship takes place during the Western Conference Finals and I feel the same way about this year Fantasy Bowl. The real Fantasy Bowl is taking place in the All-American Conference Finals. Anyway, if I have to choose, I am going to say that the Gridiron Gods will pull off a close game as long as Fred Taylor is able to do something up in New England and he chooses the right second running back. Hell, he might want to think about starting two of the other three instead of Taylor for this week. If not, then I believe Stonehenge's running backs will be too much to over come. Take Stonehenge straight up and with the measly 0.4 points.
     Good luck to everyone this week except for the Midnight Vigilantes as his starting lineup is way too good to need luck to get to the Fantasy Bowl.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"Boy, DJ is bringing out all the head games. First he attempts to put the hex on me. Then he puts his bogus starting lineup out. OK, he's going to start Charlie Garner against the Steelers instead of Fred Taylor vs. Houston. And his receivers - don't even get me started on those turds. He'll never change. I am going to wax him.  GUARANTEED!!" Psychedelic B's GM Bryan Vince prior to his game with LTP and Don Jones. Vince had to rally from 30 points down on Monday night to advance to the conference finals.

"See what I was saying, I have no chance. Like a dumbass, I do not play Peter Warrick (who I have been playing) and he scores 15... Robinson plays and only gets 3....  I do not play Wheatley and he scores....  I do not have a good team, or make good choices.... The B's are going to get off this evening vs. the hapleass Browns and like I said, No way I can stay with a team like the B's.  Congrats Vinny - good luck in the Conference Finals...." LTP GM Don Jones, prior to Monday night when his team blew a 30-point lead to Bryan Vince and the Psychedelic B's.

"ASSHOLE" Vince's message board response to Jones' Monday night prediction.

"Really was there any doubt!!  I may be an ASSHOLE but I am a truthful one... Good Luck... Pavs is unbelievable that team he has.” Jones' response, after learning his team had lost to the B's.

FINAL INTERNATIONAL RANKINGS

Erie League vs. North Coast Fantasy Football League (NCFFL)

Note - The champions of these leagues will square off in Week 17 in Ultimate Bowl 3

CLICK HERE FOR BACK ISSUES OF THE SPORTS PAGE:

• Erie League set to kick off 14th season! (July 16, 2003)

• Football is back as Erie League kicks off 2003 (September 14, 2003)

• Roush continues to roll, trash talk minimal (September 28, 2003)

• Controversial trade, Donkey pictures, finally get smack started (October 5, 2003)

• All-American, Browns Conference square off, series tied at 24 (October 12, 2003)

• Despite conference best 6-1 mark, Vigilantes deal four players (October 26, 2003)

• Hard Attack GM elected to school board, blasted by fellow owners (November 16, 2003)

• Several divisions clinched, others owners scrambling to get in (November 22, 2003)

• Field of 16 is set as Erie Leaguers battle for Fantasy Title (November 25, 2003)

• Eight teams still alive with the chance for an Erie League title (December 6, 2003)

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